


Jungle

by CaptainBlood



Category: Football RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Amazon, Angst, Brazil, Complete, Established Relationship, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Guilt, How Do I Tag, M/M, Multiple Pairings, Multiple Relationships, Not Beta Read, Rainforests, Some Graphic Violence, Survival, Survival Horror, Tags Are Hard, vacation gone wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-21
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-02 14:59:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 43,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2816336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainBlood/pseuds/CaptainBlood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It sounded nice to Mats at the time. Two weeks away from his demanding job was a dream in itself, but two weeks away with Benni and their friends really sounded like a dream come true. To top it all off, they were going to the Amazon Rain Forest; a place that the raven haired man had always longed to go. He couldn't have thought of a better place to spend their vacation, but now he wished he would have.</p><p> </p><p>  <b><br/><i>Won't you follow me into the jungle?</i><br/></b><br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I have been needing to take a break from the realistic stuff, so I have decided to go with an AU. Loosely based on a Documentary I watched about being lost in the Amazon, and also because I'm taking X Ambassadors' song, Jungle, and putting my own spin on it. This shouldn't turn out to be too terribly long, I'm aiming for around ten chapters or so, the first installment of this is not a chapter but more like a prologue; so expect ten more after this. I will try to post every day, but it may be every other day depending on my work/college stuff that I have to get done. Not to mention the Holiday! But I need a way to channel my BVB feels into something else. Do not get me started on Mats' after the last match, that was so sad...sigh.
> 
> But, I won't say anything else, anyway; I hope you enjoy. :)

"I can't believe we're leaving today." 

Mats whipped his head around so he could catch sight of the speaker, Benedikt, who was standing before the largest window in their apartment. The sun bore down on his flaxen hair and cast a gold sheen around the thick locks. His pale skin seemed to have a glow to it, as if his excitement was radiating out of his pores and showing face on his very being. Mats stood from his seat and sauntered over to him, arms outstretched so he could pull the other man flush against his chest. The raven haired man allowed his head to land in the crook of his boyfriend's neck.

"I can hardly believe it either." He admitted with the slightest trace of a yawn, still not having shook off the feeling of sleep that shrouded him at the earliest hour of dawn. He silently wished that they could spend the morning in bed, but alas, when leaving on a vacation for such a long period of time they had things to take care of. Their friends were due in at nine, and they were set to leave for the airport at twelve. It sounded like something straight out of a movie to Mats. _Fourteen days in the world's largest rain forest, surrounded by my best friends; and Benni. This is heaven._ He mused as he rubbed his slightly calloused hands up and down his lover's forearms. 

"Tell me," Mats began as he placed a gentle kiss on Benedikt's cheek. "What exactly do you have planned for us again?" Benni smiled and shook his head gently, as to not headbutt the slightly taller man. 

"It's only the billionth time you've asked me that question." The lighter haired man teased as he grabbed the others hands with his own. "We're going to get a ride via boat to one of the most beautiful places in the forest, where we will camp out for the first week. Then we travel a few kilometers north, to a resort where we will spend the rest of our stay. It's going to be perfect. Hell, It's right next to this gigantic waterfall, and we can bathe and swim there. If it's half as beautiful as it looks online, you're going to be in love." 

"I already am in love, thank you very much. But maybe this could be something we do more often, if we enjoy it, of course." Mats replied with his signature smirk, and a light trail of kisses down Benedikt's neck.

"You're too good to me." Benni purred as he rolled his head back so it was flush with the other man's shoulder. Mats paused his kiss, and reluctantly relinquished his grip, much to both of their dismay. 

"And you're too good to me. But Benni, we have a lot to do before everyone arrives. You haven't even started packing yet." The brunette teased as he waltzed into the kitchen beside the large panes of glass. He heard Benedikt sigh, followed by a set of heavy feet leading up the stairs towards their room. "I'm proud of you." Mats called with the slightest hint of a laugh as he got busy making himself a cup of coffee. He was anything but a morning person, and if it were not for the dark brown liquid that he so heavily relied on then nothing would ever be accomplished. The smooth black mug felt like an extension of his own body, and having grown so accustomed to his rituals, it was odd for the clock on the far wall to read 6:03 A.M. Mats would usually never be caught awake at any hour before eight. He shifted his grip on the warm glass as he leaned back against the contrastingly cold marble counter tops. He went through a mental checklist, asking himself if he had gotten all of his work done, and had all of this things ready to go. When everything checked out the way he wanted it too, he willed himself to part ways with his mug of caffeine laden liquid and ascend the stairs in order to try to help Benedikt with his things. 

"So you've decided to make yourself useful after all?" Benedikt teased when Mats clumsily entered their shared bedroom. It was something Mats and Benni were both extremely proud of. Not just their room, but their apartment in general was something the two held in the highest regard. It had taken them years of saving and job hunting to afford; but it had made the conquest all the more worth it. It was far from a basic flat, but not quite lavish either. Dark carpet was spread throughout the bedrooms of the house, while mahogany wood and black, glossy tile covered the bathrooms and lounging areas. The furnishings were of the same shade of mahogany, while their linens and couches matched the black and white theme they had so joyfully created. Down the hall from their room was what Mats always called their _Sanctuary._ Which was in all reality a room with a large television hung on one wall, with sports posters and memorabilia decorating the others. Benedikt would be damned if he didn't say that the room was painted half yellow and black, while the other half was adorned in blue and white. While he and Mats agreed on many things, their love for rival football teams, Borussia Dortmund and Schalke 04 would forever be something they disagreed on. 

"I always make myself useful, whether you choose to acknowledge it or not is not my concern, Benni. Who do you think washed and folded your laundry for you? Or cleaned the bathroom and did the dishes? Perhaps I should mention-"

"I think you've made your point." Benedikt interrupted with a chuckle as he carefully placed the last of his things into the large leather suitcase Mats had gotten him a few weeks back. "And go take a shower, will you? The last thing I want to do is cuddle a stinky, grumpy man. It's a long flight after all, and we have an even longer journey ahead of us. Go enjoy the last speck of indoor bathing that you'll have for the next week." The flaxen haired man ordered as he waved his hand dismissively at the bathroom door. 

"Always so demanding, remind me why I love you again?" Mats joked as he squeezed the slightly older man's shoulders. "Don't even reply to that, because then I'll have to list a minimum of a thousand reasons as to why I do. I'll just leave it at this, I love you Benni. Now go make me some breakfast, will you? Be productive." Mats smirked as he walked towards the bathroom, purposely avoiding Benedikt who was yelling at him to _"be more appreciative."_ The younger man didn't feel the need to respond, knowing his boyfriend well enough, he knew when Benedikt was only teasing; and vise versa. Without further adieu, Mats stripped the tight fitting cotton tank top he was wearing over his head before disposing of the rest of his clothes; he hastily put them into the hamper. He then reached into the shower and turned the knob, signaling a cascade of water that soon grew hot to fall and clatter down onto the porcelain below it. Stepping under the warm stream, the raven haired man made quick work of scrubbing his skin clean and washing the oils out of his hair, before turning his attention to the small mirror that hung in the shower. He figured that since he would be spending some time away from running water that he could afford to shave the facial hair that he usually sported. He was sure Benni would laugh at him later, but he would deal with the teasing with grace. When he finished ridding himself of the course black stubble, he begrudgingly stepped out of the shower and into the now steamy bathroom. He nearly jumped out of his skin when a quick succession of knocks sounded through the door.

"Mats, Robert and Wojciech are here, so please hurry up." The tan skinned man cursed and quickly wrapped a towel around his hips before flinging the door open. Benedikt looked him over out of habit and resisted the urge to bite his lip.

"Like what you see?" Mats jested as he shook his body back and forth tauntingly. The flaxen haired man scowled at his lovers antics, and gave him a look that meant _now is not the time. Can you please be serious for five seconds?_ The younger man put his hands up apologetically as he let a nervous grin slip onto his pale lips. "Sorry, Benni. You're just so easy to tease. But they're early, aren't they? We weren't expecting anyone at this hour." Mats asked with the slightest bit of confusion as he glanced past his boyfriend and caught sight of the small white alarm clock that sat on their nightstand. It read seven o'clock on the dot. 

"Yes, they're early. But they were kind enough to bring us breakfast from that cafe down the street that you love so much. So please try to come down soon, okay? I know you need to fix your hair and whatnot but-" 

"Just let me get dressed and I will come down, I'll worry about my beauty regimen after I eat." Mats said as he reached out to brush a stray piece of fair hair that had fallen onto Benedikt's forehead. The latter blushed at the contact, something he had done subconsciously anytime Mats so much as looked at him adoringly. Mats would never complain, in fact he found it endearing that some aspects of their four year strong relationship hadn't changed. "I love you, Benedikt. Thank you so much for doing this for us, and for everyone." 

"I love you too, Mats." Benni responded as he closed the gap in between them and placed his slightly chapped lips over the raven's soft, plush ones. Mats tasted of coffee and a sweetness that Benedikt had always found present whenever he indulged in kissing the younger man. It was intoxicating, something he could lose himself in, something he almost did before remembering that two of their friends were waiting for them downstairs. "Now get dressed, will you?" He teased as his fingers ghosted over the darker skinned man's cheeks until they were no longer touching. Benedikt headed towards their bedroom door before turning back to look over his shoulder. "And Mats?" The slightly taller man raised his head and looked at his boyfriend in acknowledgment. "You look like a five year old with no facial hair." He said as bluntly as possible as he slipped out of their room, leaving Mats standing there in a cotton towel with a perplexed look across his face. He shook his head and replaced it with a smile. _Leave it to Benni to say such a thing._


	2. Paradise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here's the first official chapter of this story! Thank you to everyone who has left comments/kudos thus far, I really appreciate them all! 
> 
> This came up to be just shy of 6,000 words, so here's a decent length chapter for you all. :D 
> 
> Also, forgive any mistakes or grammatical errors; I don't have a beta, and I sometimes don't have the time to find and fix all of these. Forgive me. XO.
> 
> Hope you enjoy! :)

"Smile!" Benedikt prompted as his friends gathered in front of the airport terminal, he quickly snapped the photo before holding the device out for everyone to see. The group made sly remarks about how goofy some of the other men looked, but no one took them to heart. 

"Flight 101 is now boarding first class passengers." One of the airline workers bounded into the small black microphone that rested on the podium. The group made quick work of grabbing their carry on bags and finding their tickets before forming a line at the gate. Mats insisted on carrying Benedikt's duffel, and the flaxen haired man was more than thankful for the assistance. The group waited for everyone to go through the line before ascending into the tunnel, excited chatter erupted amongst them.

"I can't believe we're finally going." Robert, stated as he dragged his and Wojciech's bags behind him. A few of the others nodded in agreement and made remarks about how anxiously they had been awaiting the travel as well. It warmed Benedikt's heart to know that his friends thought so highly of his immaculate planning. It had taken a lot of time and effort, but he had managed to get enough time off of work to complete the task and plan every moment out to perfection. Benedikt was the general manager of a high end retail clothing store, and though the job was only so demanding, he would be lying to say that he didn't need a break from the stressful environment. He knew everyone else felt the same. Mats had taken over his families restaurant and had been complaining for quite some time that he was on the verge of a stroke from the sheer amount of pressure he was under. Benedikt knew the food industry was a tough one, but he could only imagine how hard it must have been on his boyfriend, who was a mere 22 years of age, to run such a well known establishment. Alas, they had been quite fortunate to still have a social life, and their two week getaway would soon test the friendships they had built over the years. Benedikt had a feeling that this would only strengthen the bonds they had created. Manuel Neuer, Benedikt's life long best friend, had sort of acted as a catalyst in the midst of it. Mats or Benni would meet someone, and Manuel would almost always insist that the pair invited said person to hang out with them at some point. Now that Benni thought of it, he wasn't even sure how the group had became so close. They all lived different lives and had different careers, but somehow they had found common ground and became a makeshift family to one another. Robert and Jakub were police officers, who had once assisted Benedikt when a thief dared to steal thousands of dollars worth of clothing. And since then new additions of their 'family' seemed to pour in. Mats met Marco and Mario at his restaurant one evening, where the three quickly bonded over their passion for sport. The duo having announced that they were attending the local University on football scholarships. Robert had introduced Wojciech, a chef who had immigrated from Poland; much like his self, and Woj had brought along Łukasz. Who was a very well known professor back in his homeland. Whilst Bastian, a professional skier, and Lukas Podolski, owner of a sports retail store, had met the continuously growing group of friends when they had ventured to the Bavarian Alps. The newest addition was Thomas, a man studying to become a journalist. If it wasn't for the fact that Manuel had become smitten with him, then Benedikt had to wonder if he would have gotten along with the odd, outspoken man in the first place. He however did not regret his decision to give the lanky young man a chance as he proved to be the funniest guy Benedikt could name. 

"You're day dreaming." Mats said with a quick snap of his fingers in his boyfriends face. The slightly older man sighed contently and shook his head to pull himself out of his revere. His hand quickly found the raven haired man's and he laced their fingers together. 

"Not day dreaming, just reflecting a bit." Benedikt corrected as they boarded their flight and walked towards the first class cabin. Large, white recliner-like chairs lined the passage ways, the back of each chair had a television implanted in it, something distinctively normal for first class.  
"Wow, this so nice." Wojciech announced as he flung his duffel onto one of the chairs next to a small porthole window, Robert having taken claim of the isle seat.

"It's all ours, too. There were only twelve seats in first class and we got them all." Mats replied wistfully as he took one of the seats in the middle isle, Lukas and Bastian took the seats across from his. 

"It's going to be like we have our own private jet." Benedikt stated proudly as he made himself comfortable, he quickly motioned for Manuel and Thomas to sit across the aisle from him. 

"And how long is the flight exactly?" Mario, the youngest of the group questioned as he ran a hair through his dense dark blond locks, eyes scanning his new surroundings thoughtfully. 

"About twelve hours, but we have one pit stop to refuel the jet. Luckily, we don't have to get on another one, so that should take an hour max. I'd say we have about fourteen hours on this bad boy, though. Just to be conservative." Mats answered as he ran his free hand along the stitching of the seat he was on. 

"Fourteen hours?" Marco whined as he peaked his head in between the small gap of Benedikt's and Mats' chairs. Benedikt playfully patted the blond on the head, which earned him a prompt pout and a grumble of words too incoherent for the older man to understand. 

"Yes, it's going to be worth it, though." Kuba answered in Benedikt's stead as the Polish police officer stretched out his legs for what would surely not be the last time. "Benni, you got us a hotel for when we get there, correct?"

"Of course, we can't exactly head out into the Amazon at some random hour of the night. Our boat leaves at dawn, though. So we will likely all be exhausted." Benedikt answered politely as he checked to make sure everyone was settling in nicely. He was surprised to find that most of them already looked on the verge of sleep. "Sleep all you can boys, we won't have many opportunities once we get ourselves into the heart of no man's land." 

"Tell me about it. How are we even going to sleep in such a place? Isn't the jungle crawling with all sorts of monstrous beasts and poisonous insects?" Bastian chimed as he pulled Lukas' head onto his shoulder, the other man already have fallen into a deep slumber. Benedikt silently wondered how the older man was not a narcoleptic considering he could seemingly fall asleep at will. 

"Well, there's a shop by the docks that has a camping supply store. The part of the forest that we're going to is next to a cave that many people use when staying in the Amazon, so it's safe. There's a wooden door on the front of it and everything, but we will also stock up on emergency medical supplies and whatnot. Guys, on a serious note." Benedikt paused in order to make sure he drew everyone's attention. It took everyone several moments to quiet down, but nonetheless all eyes fell on the flaxen haired man. Save for Lukas Podolski who was still enthralled in the reins of sleep. "We have to be careful out here. Obviously our cell phones will be of no use, and help is a good 10 kilometers north of our camp site. We need to keep our wits about us. I'm not trying to scare you all, but you have to realize this place can be just as dangerous as it is beautiful." Everyone remained silent for a short moment, allowing Benedikt's words to process in their minds, the silence, however, was short lived when the pilot's voice rained down from the speakers above their heads.

"Everyone please turn your attention to your flight attendants as they will show you what do in case of an emergency. Also, at this time please fasten your seat belts and make sure all luggage is securely placed into the bins. We will be taking off here shortly. Thank you for choosing South American Air, we appreciate you flying with us." Mats absentmindedly watched as the flight attendant instructed them how to brace for impact, he paid it no heed, knowing he would not have the need for such knowledge. When her presentation was over, the group fell into quiet bits of chatter. Each couple having a discussion over things, or speaking with the people next to them. Mats felt Benni's hand tighten in his own, he also noted that the flaxen haired man's skin had grown feverishly hot, and dare he say sweaty.

"Benni, are you all right?" Mats asked as he reached his other hand over and placed it atop of his boyfriend's clammy forehead. Benedikt nodded his head and licked his lips that felt bone dry, but he dared not answer Mats' question. "Don't tell me, you're afraid of flying?" 

"I'm not afraid of flying so much as I am take off. I actually enjoy being in the air but the whole process of shooting that far up into the atmosphere makes me a little more than nervous." Benni finally admitted as the plane began to surge forward down the asphalt track, Mats frowned, something that the fair haired man never liked to see. 

"It's all right, Benni. I promise nothing is going to happen to you." Mats said soothingly as he rubbed small circles into the back of the older man's hand. Benedikt visibly relaxed but still had a look of sheer tear cross his eyes when the plane's nose began to ascend into the air. When the air craft finally hit cruising altitude, Benedikt sighed in relief before chuckling at his own lack of self control. Mats smiled nonchalantly at this, but never once tried to remove his hand from his lovers.

"I told you nothing would happen, and besides, we know how to brace for impact now." The raven haired man said jokingly which caused Benedikt to let out a hearty laugh. Mats had a near sadistic since of humor at times, one that the flaxen haired man had learned to tolerate, and dare he say grown fond of. When they had first met in there final year of school, Mats was intolerable. He had an attitude problem, was as arrogant as they came, and had nearly punched Manuel in the face when the tall German man told him he _"was a fucking douche bag."_ They laughed about it now, but it had taken weeks, and several trips to the councilors office, to settle the dispute amongst the three. Well, more like between Mats and Manu; Benedikt was more caught up in the middle if anything. Eventually it ended, but not until destiny forced their hand and they had to ban together. As it turned out, Benedikt had a problem far worse than any dispute his friend and would-be boyfriend were having. Benni had always been intellectual, and had he not blown his savings on this vacation; he would be heading to University in the fall; but back in grade school being the brain of a group was not always a good thing. He distinctively recalled how it had played out, one cloudy morning he walked into his first hour class, early as usual. But this time he was not the sole student in the room as someone he recognized as the schools newest student sat in the back of the otherwise barren class room. The male, who was quite larger than Benedikt, demanded that the latter gave him the answers to last nights homework; and when he refused he earned himself a blue, swollen eye. Manuel had been absolutely outraged, and strangely enough when he was seated with the blond in the nurses office; in strolled Mats. The raven haired mans fists had been clinched so hard they showed white, and his anger was evident in his eyes as he demanded to know who had hurt _Benni._ It had been the first time that Mats had referred to him as something other than Höwedes, and Benedikt had been downright awestruck that the younger man used his nickname instead of his birth given one. Long story short, Mats and Manuel beat the snot out of the guy, who actually never showed his face again; and the pair earned themselves a ten day suspension. To the day the duo would say that they'd do it again without a moments hesitation. 

"Babe, why don't you get some rest? You seem distracted." Mats murmured as he slid his Beats off of his ears and around his neck, a worried expression crossed his perfect features when Benedikt didn't respond. 

"I'm sorry, I keep getting lost in thought. I think I'm just tired." Benni answered in earnest as he stretched out his sore limbs. He glanced around the plane in curiosity as to what the others were doing, though he wasn't surprised to see that most of them were lost in the deep realm of sleep. The few who were awake were entertaining themselves in whatever way they could. Bastian had his headphones plugged into the console-like bar next to his seat and his eyes were fixated on the movie Taken, something Benedikt had seen one too many times himself. Robert was leaning over with his head tucked snugly on Wojciech's shoulder while the latter played a game on his Nintendo 3DS, genuinely happy smiles graced both of their lips and Robert reached out for a high five. Clearly Wojciech had won whatever game he was playing, the flaxen haired man mused to himself as he looked to see if anyone else was awake. Manuel and Thomas were clearly out, both of them holding the others hands as they reclined back into their respective seats, it was the first time that Benni had seen Thomas be both quiet and still; he didn't want to believe that the person slumbering in the recliner was really his boisterous friend. Eyes looking elsewhere, Benedikt felt a pang of sympathy when he saw Łukasz in the window seat, blinds drawn down, curled up into a ball as Kuba whispered into his ear, clearly trying to console him. _Why didn't he say he was afraid of flying?_ He asked himself as his eyes fell on Marco and Mario, he couldn't resist the urge to smile when he saw the predicament the elder blond was in. Mario had managed to close the small gap in between the seats and was practically sprawled out on Marco, who was struggling to move his arms enough to change the song on his iPod. When he caught Benedikt's eyes, a wry smile graced his lips and he shook his his head slightly as he glanced at the younger man next too, or more like on top of, him. 

"Excuse me, sir. Would you like something to drink or eat?" Benedikt nearly jumped out of his skin when the stewardess placed her warm hand on his shoulder, the woman smiled nervously as if to apologize for startling him. Benedikt returned it shyly, before asking her what they had. "We have Coke products, wine, beers, and for dinner we have steak. One of us will be by later to take orders for that, but in the mean time I can get you some chips or candy to snack on?" 

"I think I will just have a Coke, thank you. Mats?" Benni reached over and shook his boyfriend who was so lost in his music that he hadn't even noticed the woman beside them. 

"Huh?" The raven haired man replied with an agitated scowl as he once again dropped his headphones from atop of his head, Benni had to fight the urge to scold him for such manners. 

"Do you want food or something to drink?" Benedikt repeated the woman's words as he gave Mats the _you're bad attitude is showing_ look. 

"Sorry, love. And yes ma'am. I'll have a Coke please." He responded which sent the stewardess on her way down the isle, Mats shot Benedikt a flashy grin and a thumbs up. "See? I corrected myself, no need to scold me." He stated as if he had read the fair skinned man's mind, Benedikt began to wonder why on earth he had fallen in love with Mats Hummels; his clear polar opposite.  
_Opposites attract!_ Some part of his mind retorted, but he pushed it away with the utmost of ease. He had fallen in love with Mats because Mats was exactly what he had wanted and needed in a person. If his gruff attitude told you anything about who he was as a person you would assume he was a god awful creature that crawled up from the depths of hell, but with the face of angel, of course. But in all reality, Mats was a sensitive person, though he would slap Benni into another realm if the flaxen haired man ever told anyone that. The younger German was a fighter through and through, he protected what was his, and did his best to make every person happy; no matter what plight's and adversaries reared their ugly faces. Benedikt had a plan for their trip into the Amazon, and it was currently burning a hole through the little black box it was stashed in, hidden away in his carry on bag. He could only imagine what the raven haired man's expression would be when he bared the contents of the box open and for all to see, he wondered what Mats would say about the bright pure silver band that was encrusted in diamonds of black and royal blue; a white one sitting proudly in the center. He would be lying to say that their love affair for sports didn't have something to do with his color choices, but he would admit that at a later time. Within a few moments their flight attendant returned with their choice of beverages, accompanied by a small bag of chips that she politely handed to Robert, who thanked her in earnest before tearing into them. Benedikt thanked her politely as he took the two drinks and handed one to Mats, who was so lost in his own world that it took the blond several moments to catch his attention. 

"Would you please get some sleep, Benni? You look like your about to pass out." Mats whined as he gripped his boyfriend on the knee and looked him in the eyes with the utmost of concern for the older mans well being. Benedikt sighed before taking a long drink of his Coke, pondering if whether or not he was too excited, or feeling to nostalgic to sleep; he decided that since the others could do it, so could he.

"Yes, if it will shut you up." The fair haired man retorted with a the cheekiest grin he could manage as he sat his drink aside in the faux marble cup holder. He grabbed the cold steel lever on the side of the chair and allowed the back to tip at a slightly declined angle. He felt his eyes grow heavy the moment his head hit the rest that was built in, and a few moments after that he felt a warm blanket wrap around him and an even warmer pair of lips press lightly against his own.

"I love you, get some sleep." 

Benedikt was too tired to reply, or so much as open his eyes so he obeyed his lover's request and allowed himself to fall into a dark, dreamless slumber. 

\- - - -

"Wake up. Hey, Mats; it's time to get up." Benedikt prodded as he poked his boyfriend in the cheek, desperately trying to pull him out of his REM cycle and back into reality. The older male sighed as he realized it was too no avail. Their plane had arrived late into the night and they hadn't made it to their lavish hotel until even later. A simple 4 hours of sleep, plus whatever they got on the plane, would have to be enough to hold them over until they set up camp later that evening. The clock on the near wall read 5 o'clock in the morning, and it was a mere hour until they were set to head out to the docks to catch a ride on some pontoon boat Benni had booked online. They weren't to arrive at their camp sight until around ten, which would mean another four hours of travel was in order to get to where they were going. Benedikt swore that if the excitement wasn't enthralling him that he would have completely ignored his annoying alarm clock and rolled over to achieve yet a few more hours of rest. But that was not the case.

"Get me coffee, Benni, please." Mats moaned as he slapped a hand over his face, having finally roused to his lover's incessant poking and shaking. 

"Of course." Benedikt replied as he checked his phone over to read the message Robert had sent him.

**From: Robert Lewandowski**

**Good Morning! Woj and I are going to meet up with Manuel and grab supplies for all of us, would you like to come? Mats, too. If he's able to wake up that is. Lol.**

"I'm going down to the supply shop with a few of the guys, I'll grab coffee from the lobby on my way up, okay? Just go back to sleep and I'll wake you when I get back." Benni cooed as he leaned down and pressed a quick kiss on the tan man's cheek. Mats grumbled incoherently, and was soon back into the nonexistent realm of dreams. Benedikt strode out of bed and cracked his bones, desperate to rid the feeling of exhaustion that threatened to hold him back for the remainder of the day. After slipping on a pair of khaki cargo shorts, and a faded red Adidas hoodie, he sent Robert a text confirming that he would meet them down in the lobby in a few moments. After stepping into a pair of black Vans, Benni headed out the door with only his phone, key, and wallet in hand; not feeling the need to carry anything else with him for the short journey down the road. He made quick work of navigating the immaculately clean hotel, and nodded his head politely whenever a stray patron or employee passed. After a few minutes time, he found himself in the main entrance to the hotel, where Robert and Manuel stood, excited grins on their faces as they talked to Wojciech who was hiding his face in the crook of Robert's neck; clearly trying to shield his eyes from the unrelenting rays of the bright artificial lights. 

"Morning." Benedikt said with a wave as he approached the group, his greeting was returned by the former two, whilst Wojciech mumbled a "kill me" under his breath.

"Maybe if you didn't stay up the entire plane ride playing Pokemon then you wouldn't be this tired." Robert mused as he pried his boyfriend off of his back, much to the tallest man's dismay. 

"And maybe if you didn't want to have s-"

"Enough!" Manuel interrupted with a laugh as he slung his arm around Benedikt's shoulders. "Let's go, okay? We still have a lot to do this morning." 

"He's right, we should get going." Benni added with earnest as he allowed himself to be escorted away from the two quarreling lovebirds behind him. "It should be just down here, I took the virtual tour on Google maps, so I vaguely recall where it's at." The flaxen haired man pointed around the corner as the group continued down the sidewalk at a respectable rate of pace, each of them semi-caught up in their own thoughts. Benedikt's being along the lines of _I can't believe we're really in Brazil,_ and _I can't believe we're really doing this._ When the group arrived at the small store, Benni took a mental note of the **OPEN 24/7** sign that glowed in iridescent neon. Manuel held the door for the other three men as they silently entered the store, the old man behind the counter nodded his in acknowledgment as the quartet strode past him and into the isles with a small shopping cart. Benedikt was honestly surprised at the sheer mass of volume that the store had in goods, it wasn't solely medical and survival supplies; it also had it's fair share of clothing and tourist merchandise. Robert, Manuel, and Benedikt made quick work of grabbing several bundles of rope, matches, and food supplies among several first aide kits that they were required to care for their venture into the unknown. Wojciech came back to the group moments later with a Hawaiian shirt in his hand and a devilish grin on his face. 

"Robert would you wear this?" He asked in a teasing tone as he displayed the neon orange garment to the dark haired police officer, Benedikt swore that if looks could kill that the tallest Pole would be dead on the floor thanks to Robert's intense stare. 

"What do you think?" Robert said with a scowl, clearly not in the mood to put up with the 19 year old's antics at such an hour, especially not after what was nearly said in the hotel foyer. 

"Shop keep!" Wojciech hollered towards the old man, who raised an eyebrow as the young man's thick Polish accent shown through his English. "Will you ring me up? I definitely want this." The old man gave a thumbs up and waved the Pole over, Benedikt thought he heard Robert growl as his lover strode past him.

"Trouble in paradise?" Manuel asked as he skimmed his eyes over an assorted package of band aids, Robert sighed and relinquished his grip on their cart before picking up a wad of gauze and chucking it into the basket. 

"Hardly, I'm just not a morning person, having grown so accustomed to the night shift. That, and well..." the brunette trailed off as his eyes looked back at Wojciech who was enthusiastically telling the older man about the adventure the group was about to embark on. "He's still so young, sometimes I wonder why I ended up with him. But I'm sure he will calm down in time." 

"He's a good man, Robert. Don't forget the little things; Wojciech loves you through and through and you're lucky to have him." Benedikt seethed as he checked the price on a box of water purifiers. He was no expert on the subject, but he was smart enough to know that ten dollars for one vial was downright outrageous. Still, he tossed it into their cart; not like he had much of an option on the matter. 

"He is, and I love him, too. Just need to break him in a little." Robert joked as he made a grab for a water bottle that was placed in a clearly aged refrigerator. "But I am not wearing the god awful shirt, no way in hell." The trio shared a laugh as they continued to stroll down the isles, making sure they had everything they could ever need. A whole cart load of supplies later, and after prying the youngest man away from the shop, he still insisted on chatting up the old shop's keeper, the group made it back to the hotel. Each of them battling with the dozen or so plastic bags that weighed down their arms.

"Carrying this is going to be a bitch." Benedikt cursed as he waddled over to the coffee machine, desperately trying to pour a cup of the brew to take to Mats, he decided that pouring hot liquid with one hand was far too dangerous for his liking; so he sat the bag aside. 

"Babe, don't worry about that." A deep voice said and a warm hand was placed on Benedikt's shoulder, which nearly caused said man to pour the hot liquid all over himself. 

"Mats?" Benni asked in mock disbelief as he spun around, seeing Mats awake at such an hour was a rare sight, and seeing him holding the plastic bags with a smile on his face was another thing entirely. The slightly older man wiped the sleep from his eyes, and let his mouth hang open. "No, that can't be you. Awake, not being grumpy, and actually helping me with my things?" Benedikt took a step forward, a quizzical look on his face. "Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?" 

"For starters, I helped you carry your things yesterday, thank you very much. Secondly, I woke up because I didn't want to be a burden, and because I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. Thirdly, I'm not grumpy because I'm happy." Mats answered with the most charming smile, the one that had always made Benedikt's knees shake and made his limbs feel like caving in; it was the same one that made his heart beat a thousand miles a minute, and his blood pulse throughout his veins with vigor. 

"I'm glad you're so happy, that's what the point of all of this was." Benedikt said as he reached out and took a few of the bags from his lover's hands. The duo parted ways with their share, clear instructions in their heads to go back to their shared room, pack their things, and meet back in the hotel's foyer. Benni spared a look at the younger man beside him as they waited for the lift to take them to their floor, he hadn't seen Mats this happy in a long, long time. "You deserve this so much. I've been worried sick about you. You come home from work and you look like your ready to burst into tears and have a heart attack simultaneously. I want you to relax while were here, everything's going to be perfect; and for the next two weeks the only responsibility you have is to have a good time and unwind. You hear me?" 

"I hear you loud and clear, babe. Have a good time and relax; I can definitely do that." Mats replied with a cheeky grin as their elevator came to a long awaited halt. The pair filed out of the door and down to their room, where they began feverishly working on getting their things together. After ten minutes time, the clock shone a bright neon 5:45 A.M, exactly 10 minutes before they had to be at the docks. The duo headed back down to the lobby, both grinning from the sheer anxiety of embarking on their long awaited vacation. Benedikt quickly double checked to see if the ring was still in the safety of his backpack, and when that was confirmed, he turned his attention back to not tripping over the hotel lobby's rugs. The other ten men had already arrived and were talking amongst themselves, their voices carrying a bit too loudly for the other patron's liking; but the staff nonetheless seemed to understand their rowdiness. After leaving their hotel keys with the clerk, and confirming their stay they would have when they got back to civilization, the group exited the elaborate marble laden hotel and made their way down the docks and towards the designated meeting area. There, a man of around 35 years of age or so, Benedikt deducted, took their things and helped them board his vessel. His English was impeccable, even better than some of the groups own; which was something Benni was silently thankful for. 

"Are we ready to go?" The man, Davi, as he announced himself asked with a simple wave of his hand as he strode over to the dock to untie his boat, everyone nodded.

"Yes, sir. Whenever you are." Kuba spoke up which signaled the man to relinquish the last tie that held the group to civilization; and within a short moment, their Captain was at the wheel, expertly escorting them down the small canal that would eventually lead to the Amazon River. 

"Oh my god, I can't believe we're actually doing this!" Mario squealed as he gave Marco a look that really showed his age, and true nature at heart. _What a kid, eighteen was a good year for me too, though._ Mats thought to himself as he watched the pair with kind eyes and an even kinder smile. 

"Well we are, and put your phone away for Christ’s sake, Marco! You're going to lose it, and now really isn't about taking pictures; we can do that later. Would at least appreciate whats going on around you now? I mean look around you, kid. This place is gorgeous." Thomas stated as he twisted his head around to take in the sight of a growing sun rising from the horizon, and the dense trees that began to mask all sense of civilization. It was unlike Thomas to tell someone to be quiet, and it had left a confused air over the group who exchanged puzzled glances. Marco didn't test his words, and decided that putting his phone away really would be for the best.

"I've trained him well." Manu blurts out randomly to ease the confusion that was growing on everyone's minds, the group shared a short round of laughter, their Captain included, whilst Thomas slapped the tall blond man on the back of the head with a "shut up, Manuel. You did no such thing."

The group fell into a quiet silence afterward, everyone caught up in their own train of thought as they took in their beautiful surroundings. Every now and again, Davi would mention certain landmarks or tell them how much longer their journey would be; but other than that it remained quiet. Mats was undeniably impressed that six of then men remained quiet considering they were usually the rowdiest of the lot. How Bastian and Lukas remained so hyper at aged 25 years was a miracle in itself, but the pride the raven haired man had for his companions silence was uncharted territory until that moment. 

"Well, would you look at that..." Bastian exclaimed after a full two hours of nothing but the sound of nature, and Davi's speech. The group all raised their heads in unison in order to see what the Bavarian man was speaking of, when Mats say what laid ahead he felt his breath being taken away. The canal they were on was widening at a rapid rate, and he could clearly see the distinct outline of a large river bank coming up, followed by nothing but a vast expanse of water and trees. It was all Mats had dreamt about, before him laid the beautiful, vast, and foreign Amazon River and the Jungle that came hand in hand with it. He had never seen something so beautiful in his entire life. He allowed his eyes to flutter shut, permanently sealing the images around him into the depths of his memory. 

_This is going to be perfect...thank you...Benni..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments/Kudos = faster updates! And a batch of cookies, digital ones of course. But I'd buy them for real if I could. ;D
> 
> XO.


	3. Nobody, Not Even The Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A simple goodbye houses a warning, and the boys cant put two and two together until it's too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: There is a bit of gore in this chapter, so if you can't handle that; I'm sorry. D: This is a horror/adventure/romance story, though; so you have been warned.
> 
> This came up being about 5,500 words; a perfect length I do believe! A lot happens in this, and if my descriptions of any events seem lucid then please let me know so I can fix them. Also, forgive any mistakes, I have no beta, and it's 3:00 A.M in my time zone. I will correct all that I catch tomorrow.

"Be safe out here, boys. This place can be unrelenting, make sure you keep your guard up. I will meet you at the resort in exactly two weeks time...also watch the weather." Davi said with a wave as he pushed his boat off of the rocks and back onto the open water of the Amazon, the group shared a wave with the man and exchanged their farewells. Having just arrived, they then retreated to the wooden door that covered the cave where they would be spending there first seven days. Upon opening the door, Mats smiled to himself as he sat down the lantern on what seemed to be a basic table made of pine.

"Wow, this place is huge!" He exclaimed with the utmost of enthusiasm, which was quickly returned by the others. Cots lined the walls of the cave, and a small fire pit rested against the far wall. A large basin, for what Mat's presumed was for water, decorated the wall space between the first row of beds. 

"This is nice, I wasn't expecting it to be this big." Benedikt mused as he tossed his bag on the first bed he came too, Mats laid his things on the one directly beside it, respectively. 

"There's fifteen beds, so we each can have our own and use the others for whatever else." Kuba added as he took the cot in the farthest back corner, Łukasz followed him without so much as a single word. Mats had to wonder if he was still riding down the high of being scared shitless on the plane. 

"Nice, well let's get unpacked then go hike up the eastern trail. Obviously swimming in the river is off limits, but there's apparently a Chrystal clear pond up the way, not to mention there's a waterfall in it." Benedikt said, and several choruses of "awe's" sounded from the group of excited men as they made quick work of settling into their new home away from home. After half an hour of setting up base, and making a small fire in the back, the group stripped down to their swimwear and headed down the small windy path that would take them to their destination. 

"Benni, you're the best." Mats purred as he grabbed his boyfriend's warm hand, a genuine smile graced his lips as he tilted his head back to look at the trees that stood tall above them.

"Anything for you, are you having a good time thus far?" Benedikt asked as he tightened his hold on the dark skinned man's hand, Mats vigorously nodded his head. 

"Of course I am, god, this place is beautiful." The raven haired man mused as let his eyes fall back onto the path that was growing larger around them. He frowned when he felt a large drop of water fall onto his skin, but quickly dismissed the possibility of rain since the tree cover would make it hard to detect. _It's like dew,_ he thought to himself as they came to a downwards incline that would surely lead to the waterfall they were in search of. But still, Davi's warning from early made him keen on keeping his eyes open for such drastic changes, the last thing they needed was to be caught out in a storm in unfamiliar land. 

"LOOK!" Thomas yelled from the front of the line as he pointed towards what Mats' presumed was the pond they were looking for. Of course, he was correct. The large light blue basin dipped down a good twenty meters, and a small waterfall cascaded down the south ends rock wall and into the crystal clear liquid. 

"Holy shit..." Lukas Podolski mumbled as the group came to stand at the edge of one of the cliffs, said man peered over the rock wall to access the water beneath them. "See you down below!" He called as he flung himself off the wall, several of the men gasped while Bastian screamed after him as if he was afraid he'd die on the way down. But that wasn't the case, Lukas' head appeared from beneath the surface moments later, a Cheshire grin sprawled out on his cheeks as he waved them all to follow his lead. "Come on in, the waters fine!" He bellowed as he started a back stroke towards the constant fall of water, Bastian shook his head.

"Fuck it!" He yelled before flinging himself off of the rocks, screaming in glee the entire way down till he burst through the beautiful liquid. Mats shot Benni a knowing grin, which was exchanged with the rest of the group as one by one they jumped down into the basin below them. Mats winked as he ran and flipped off of the cliff, a smile so bright that the sun would shy away planted on his lips the entire way down. _This is paradise._

\- - -

"I caught something!" Łukasz exclaimed as he and Wojciech made their way back to camp, a large fish in his hand, squirming still as to try and escape it's captor's tight clutch. 

"Wow, what is that thing?" Marco exclaimed as he excitedly stood up from the bonfire they had made just outside of the cave, the group all looked to the fishing duo for a response.

"A Royal Peacock Bass, I've only heard of them; but apparently they're quite delicious. I can't wait to cook this bad boy up." Wojciech answered as the pair sauntered over to the rest of the men, Kuba immediately stood up and was quick to help Łukasz in slaying the creature. As humanely as possible, of course. 

"That's got to weight twenty pounds, how did you catch this thing?" The Polish police officer asked as he held the fish's limp body out for all to see. Łukasz merely shrugged, a blush decorating his usually pale cheeks.

"He's got a knack for fishing, back in Poland when we we're children we'd go to Lake Sniardwy in the summer with my grandfather, and Łukasz would always have the best catch. He even set a record there once at the age of fifteen, I can't even begin to tell you how jealous the other fishermen were; being beaten by a child was not something they liked to admit." Woj answered as he grabbed the soul metal rack the group had bought so he could lay it over the burning fire, he then turned to his North Face backpack and pulled out a small box. 

"Did you really bring spices with you?" Robert asked with a laugh as he shook his head at the tallest man, the Chef smiled heartily. 

"Why of course, if I ever cooked something without them I would be ashamed of myself. And you would never eat my food again." Wojciech answered with a cheeky grin as he went through his assorted box. "Mats, would you like to be the Sous Chef and help me out? I'd like to cook up a nice broth to go along with this so the extra meat doesn't go to waste." 

"Yeah, sure thing." Mats answered with an honest smile as he let his hand fall from Benedikt's so he could do as he was asked. The two promptly began their work, Wojciech started by fileting the large amphibian; while Mats chopped up the fresh vegetables and edible roots he had pulled from the forest earlier in the day. The group watched the two work in complete awe, none of them coming anywhere close to having the same culinary talent that the duo from the food industry did. 

"I would burn water, and here they are. Gutting and cleaning that thing like it isn't the slightest of troubles. Wojciech, you're only nineteen; how on earth are you this skilled?" Benedikt prompted as he let his head rest on his hands that were propped up on his knees. The German had to bite his lip in embarrassment when the youngest Polish man didn't turn to answer him, Robert took this as a chance to save some grace.

"Don't try talking to him when he gets to work, he completely zones out; I could tell him our house was on fire and he wouldn't so much as acknowledge me." The Police officer said as he slung an arm around Benedikt, a small smile growing on his lips. "But to answer your question, Wojciech's father is a very well known chef in Warsaw, he's been cooking since he could crawl. He's about to open his own restaurant in Dortmund, actually."

"Doesn't he stay part time with you and part time in Warsaw?" Bastian asked as he continued to watch the pair fast at work with their meal preparations, Mats smiled shyly when he noticed everyone was eying them.

"As of now, but he will be moving in with me full time in the coming months. Kuba and I will protect the streets, and get free food from Woj's. Not a bad life to live, let me tell you." Robert proposed as he removed his arm from Benedikt's body and made a grab for a bottle of water, he offered one to the German, who thanked him politely. 

"Benni?" Mats asked as he finished stirring the stew that was cooking over the fire, the flaxen haired man raised his eyes to meet those of his lover's.

"What is it, sweetie?" Benedikt replied as he stood up from his spot and held his arms out for the darker skinned man to come into. Mats all but flung himself into the older man's hold, which nearly cause the shorter male to lose his balance; luckily, Robert and Marco caught them.

"I don't want to be a party pooper, but I've got a really bad stomach ache." Mats whispered as he buried his face into the crook of Benedikt's neck, the latter frowned and tried to pry them apart. Once successful in his endeavor, he placed his hand onto his boyfriend's forehead; much like how Mat's had done on the plane the day prior. 

"You're burning up." Benedikt noted with a scowl as he sat down and dragged Mats into his lap, "you were in front of the fire, though." 

"I'm sure it's just hunger, when the stew is done you will feel much better." Wojciech promised as he added a few pounds worth of meat into the thick broth that was boiling over the fire. The fish was clearly cooked on one side, so the chef made quick work of flipping the other side down on the hot steel cooking rack.

"You're both probably right," Mats answered as he wrapped his arms around Benedikt's neck, safely securing himself to the other with little chance they would tumble back like they almost had done. "Sorry, Benni. Today has been absolutely perfect, aside from my tummy ache of course." The raven haired man whispered into his lover's ear, which sent chills down the fair skinned man's spine; something that a normal reaction for him anytime Mats' hot breath rained down on his skin.

"Don't apologize, I just hope you feel better." Benedikt responded with a small smile as he gently rocked the younger man back and forth, silently praying that he wouldn't get sick somewhere far away from help. Luckily, the stew was finished in a matter of twenty minutes, and Wojciech and Mario made quick work of serving everyone. The fish was delicious and way more exotic than anything the group had tried before, several choruses of appreciation rang out for Łukasz who had provided them with such a delicacy. The Polish Professor was quick to dismiss them, and replied with "it was no trouble at all, just pure luck."

"Feeling any better?" Benni asked as he finished spoon feeding Mats the last of the hot stew, the raven haired man promptly nodded his head in confirmation. "Good, I don't want you to be sick." 

"I don't want to be sick either, Benni. No one _wants_ to be ill. Thankfully that soup hit the spot; I feel a thousand times better." The flaxen haired man rolled his eyes at the others attitude, which showed no signs of improving any time soon. 

"Is it just me or is it really, really, muggy out here? I mean, I read up on this place and they said it got rather hot and sticky at night," the group chuckled under their breaths, cutting Thomas' speech off. "Really guys?" He responded as he raised an eyebrow before cackling himself, Mats pursed his lips.

"Yeah, it is rather hot out here. I thought I felt a raindrop this morning, so maybe it's going to rain sometime tonight?" The raven haired man proposed as he climbed off of his lover's lap and instead took a seat next to him on the large trunk of what was once a great hyperdominant tree. 

"Well I don't know about you all, but this old man is exhausted and I could use some rest as well. We will see you guys in the morning." Bastian stated as he plucked Lukas' limp body off of the ground, the latter having fallen asleep about an hour or so ago. The group responded with a collect "goodnight Basti," as the pair made their way into the campsite.

"I rather like Bastian and Lukas, as rowdy as they are; they're very good company." Manuel, who had been rather quite all evening, said with a small smile acquainted with a quiet laugh. 

"They really are." Robert agreed as he poked Wojciech in the shoulder when the tall Polish man slumped against him, "well I guess we're going to sleep, too. Woj's passed out on me." The Police officer said with a shake of his head as he lifted the teenager up in his arms with utmost of ease. 

"Yeah, I guess we all really should get some rest. We need to do some adventuring in the morning before it hits a thousand degrees out." Benedikt said with a yawn as he stood up from his spot, and being the gentlemen he was, he politely helped Mats' to his feet. A small round of agreement stirred throughout the camp as the boys all made sure the fire was stoked enough to keep going throughout the night. When that much was settled they filed into the large mouthed cave so Kuba could securely lock themselves in for the night. Everyone, quietly, pushed their respective cots next to those of the ones that their partner would be sleeping on, forming makeshift full size beds for the couples to share. 

"Goodnight everyone," Benedikt yawned as he and Mats crawled into their cot, he protective wrapped his arms around the slightly larger man and allowed his head to rest securely on Mats' muscular chest. Somewhere between the quiet kisses they shared, and the even quieter touches; Benedikt found himself slipping into the wonderful world of abstract oblivion.

\- - -

"Mats, Benni, wake up!" 

The shrill noise snapped the raven haired man away from his revere, but not entirely enough to break the tight chains of sleep that threatened to pull him back into unconsciousness. But then something loud rang out, something that made the Restaurant manager's ears want to bleed; he jolted awake, as did Benedikt and every other sleeping occupant in their camp. Mats looked around the room, trying to identify who had originally called his name, but the group was quiet. Confused, and some concerned looks adorned their faces as they listened to the sound of heavy, and he meant heavy, rain beat down on the wooden door, their only protection from the elements. 

"Wow, that's...that's kind of creepy." Mario whined over the near deafening sound of the rain, but several others had things more important than being scared on their minds. 

"Do you think that door will hold? I know it sounds just like rain; but if you really listen...it's wind too. Strong wind." Robert stated as he backed away from the door he had approached moments ago, Mats felt Benedikt shift in his spot.

"I'm sure it will, Lewy. It's been here this long, and I doubt they would have rented it to me if they thought it wasn't safe." The flaxen haired man answered with all honesty as he slipped out of his cot, a tired look plastered on his pale face. "Why don't you, Kuba, Manu and I try to open it a bit and look out there? Just hold it in case the wind catches it." 

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea." Kuba answered as he walked towards the pair, Manuel right on his heels as the three of them gripped onto the wooden door, Robert undid the lock and began trying to slide the massive wood back into place. Finally, after wrestling against the elements, and making Łukasz, Bastian, and Lukas come to help them, they managed to get their first glimpse of the outside. 

"Oh my god..." Mats said in utter disbelief as he saw nothing but vast, rapid waves of water crash down where they had sat so pleasantly the night before. "Our...oh my god, half of our shit was out there," he yelled in disbelief as he and the others crowded around the now open door. The wind and the rain whipped their faces at a rate so harsh it felt like needles, but still they stood in it path. Eyes locked in shock on the scene that nature had so unkindly crafted for them. 

"A flood...are you serious..." Benedikt groaned as he shook his head slowly back and forth, letting the information sink into his head. _How long is this going to last? We don't have enough wood in here to keep this place lit, let alone cook the food we brought. Everything we were relying on for fire was outside covered by the tarp..._ "Guys, this isn't good." He stated as if it wasn't the most obvious thing in the entire world, a collective round of gulps fell over the group as they clung to the door, their last barrier from the _'great'_ outdoors. 

"I thought flooding season was over? It's May for god's sake." Manuel commented as he peaked his head around the thick wooden door, a perplexed look crossing his face. 

"It's supposed to be over, but that makes me wonder why no one would warn us." Mario grumbled as he clung to Marco, looking the slightest bit terrified as the water continued to rise till it was lapping at the entrance to the cave.

"Something tells me that Davi kind of did, _watch the weather_ , that’s what he said when he dropped us off last night. Like we should have known to get to higher ground if it started to rain." Mats responded as he shook his head slightly, "but the thing is, the higher ground is across that." The raven haired man pointed directly across the roaring river that threatened to spill over into their camp at any second, everyone exchanged worried glances.

"He's right, even the cliff we were on yesterday has likely flooded from the waterfall's connection to the canal. It was a downwards slope too, which means all of that water is dumping into the pond we swam in...its likely a giant whirlpool at this point what with the water pouring in from all sides." Łukasz explained with expertise as he pondered what the groups next move would be, but he could only come to one conclusion. "If we stay in here and shut the door, odds are that the water will rise and bust through the wood, pinning us against that back wall." The Polish Professor explained as he pointed to the far end of the cave, a grim look on his face. 

"I thought you said this place had been here for years, Benni? If it floods like this, then how the hell has this camp survived?" Robert growled as he struggled to keep his hold on the door, the water threatening to rip it clean off of it's hinges. 

"I just assumed that...to be honest. The deal was a bit sketchy, they didn't have a formal site and the price was ridiculously low compared to the other camps. I just wired the guy the money and in return, he sent me a key..." Benedikt retorted with a look of disgust, at this point he was realizing that 1.) he had been scammed out of a good amount of money, and 2.) they couldn't just sit around and wait this out if they wanted to escape unscathed. 

"Shit!" Robert howled as finally lost his grip on the door, not even Bastian and Manuel could keep the wood from prying free and ripping from the rock. The large board flung across the water and was soon swept away past the men's line of sight. 

"Guy, we have to get out of here." Marco panicked as the water showed no signs of receding any time soon, in fact the wind only seemed to grow stronger and the rain pounded down heavily, so loud that Mats swore he couldn't even hear himself think.

"He's right," Lukas Podolski mumbled with a grave expression on his face, "but what...how are we going to get out of here?" And as soon as the words left the Polish born man's lips, Wojciech yelled back a response.

"The rope!" He squealed in realization as he quickly scampered to the back of their camp, grabbing his backpack that house the paracord they had bought the day prior.

"Wojciech, what do you plan on doing with that? The torrent is too strong for that thing to hold us to the cave..." Benedikt asked as he shot Robert a quizzical look, the Police officer did nothing short of return it with a shrug of his shoulders. 

"No, we can tie ourselves together if were forced to go into the water. That way none of us get separated." He explained as he zipped his rucksack, and slung it over his shoulders. "I know it's not a perfect idea, and jumping into that water is basically suicide mixed with piranhas and caimans, but we really don't have much of a choice...and time's kind of running out." He noted as his eyes trailed back to the edge of the cavern that Robert was standing next too, water began to lap at his feet.

"Shit, he's right. Anyone else have any brilliant ideas, or should we go for it?" Robert, one of the sole people who wasn't freaking out asked in a commanding tone, no one dared voice their opinions against the well decorated Policemen. 

"All right then, tying ourselves together and jumping to our deaths sounds nice and all, but we should try to think this through a little." Mats finally said, deciding that going against the flow, no pun intended, could actually prove to be the difference between life, and a tragic death. 

"Mats has a point, we need to try and stay calm." Benedikt said loudly, his voice barely carrying over the roar of commotion that was unfolding before their eyes, the flaxen haired man tried to ignore the water that had risen over his feet.

"Well, lets grab our things first." Kuba roared as he made his way to the back of the cavern, everyone else followed suit; quickly stuffing their belongings into their respective bags. 

"Ignoring the fact that we could all drown if someone gets caught up, let's do what Woj said; we don't have any other choice." Mats bellowed nervously as he reached out for Benedikt's hand, which the latter gladly took and squeezed tightly in silent reassurance. _Mats, I'm so sorry._ The words burned into his mind and were struggling to stay contained past his lips, but he knew that no matter what he had to say; nothing would make up for, or change the fact that they were very much in a life or death situation. The water was rising up their legs when they managed to secure the rope around themselves, each one tied knots on them as expertly as they could, terror written on even the most calm one's faces. Mario was sobbing, but no one dared to tell the kid to suck it up; Mats was honestly surprised that Thomas hadn't said anything, but the look of shock he wore addressed all that it needed too. He was in no shape to talk, and the raven haired man couldn't blame him. He was scared too. The group laced arms as they fought the current threatening to pull them back into their camp, the cots had buckled under the weight of the water and had nearly hit some of them; but they managed at long last to make it to the entrance. 

"So what do we do now?" Bastian asked nervously as he gave Lukas a sympathetic look. 

"We jump, and hope for the best?" Marco responded with a gentle shake of his head, a deafening silence fell over the group; leaving nothing but mother nature to be heard. 

"On the count of three?" Benedikt prompted as he prepped himself to take a literal dive into the unknown. The current was swift, and he knew they stood no chance of swimming across the water; it was almost certain they would be swept quite a ways down the dangerous water; and he could only pray to God that no one was hurt, or worse when they, hopefully; emerged on the other side. 

"Right..." Robert who stood in the middle, arms laced with Manuel's and Wojciech's said with a determined glint in his piercing blue eyes. "One..." Mats squeezed Benedikt's hand with such ferocity that the flaxen haired man swore his wrist would break, but instead of complaining, he whispered a simple string of meaningful words. 

"I love you, Mats." He said through gritted teeth, but those were not the words he had wanted to say. _I'm sorry, I'm sorry I put you and all of us in this situation because I didn't know any better. I'm sorry I didn't think more about the monsoon season more conservatively; and I'm so sorry I may never get to give you the ring I worked so hard to get you. Please, forgive me._ The unspoken words caused tears to pool in his eyes, so he blinked them away; desperately trying to clear his vision as they prepared to make what could be their last decision. 

"I love you too, Benni." 

"Two..." Somewhere down the line, Mario wailed, and no one in the group could blame him for doing so. He was the baby of the group, having just turned 18 a few months ago; the older members of the _'family'_ couldn't even begin to understand what the young man was thinking; but it didn't matter. The young man was facing what could be his death when his life had only just begun; that they could have agreed on.

"THREE!" 

And with the final call, they all jumped into what they had once marked as an oasis.

 

\- - - -

"Mats..." a soft voice called out to the raven haired man who laid sprawled out on a bed of rocks, one they had washed ashore on. He didn't stir at first, until Benedikt lightly tapped on him. With reluctance, Mats pried his eyes open; ignoring the sharp shooting pain that radiated throughout his body, he forced himself up on his elbows; the rocks beneath jabbing his skin as he did so.

"Benni, are you okay?" He asked in a haze, not entirely sure what had happened once he hit the water; it was all a blur of panic filled in with blank spaces where memories should be. Benedikt looked rough, cuts and scrapes adorned his arms and legs, blood trailing down from the wounds that tore his skin apart on their journey down to what Mats counted as safety. He silently wondered when the rain had stopped and when the waters became so calm again. _How long have we been out for?_

"I'm fine, but I need to know you are too." Benedikt insisted in a shaky voice as he let his hands trail over his boyfriend's beaten frame, when a hand fell onto the younger man's shoulder he let out a fierce scream. 

"Shit! Benni don't press there." Mats howled as he propelled himself into a seated position, not daring look around him to access the damage the others had sustained. He heard whispers, painful moans, and soothing words; but couldn't connect the dots to who they belonged too, not like he wanted to know. 

"Let me see, Matsi. Please." Benedikt prodded as he carefully pulled the tan skinned man's shirt collar down, his face went sour in response to the sight before him. "Shit...I think you broke your collarbone...or...ugh..." Mats didn't need to be told twice that something was wrong, Benni's face said it all as he looked closer to puking than the raven haired man had ever seen him before. With a nervous look, he glanced down at his chest; absolute horror entered his mind as he saw that the usually perfect skin was broken and bleeding freely. But what caused his breath to hitch was the white he saw in the wound, _I can see my bone..._ he thought in a panic as he gave Benedikt a horrified glance. 

"Benni..." Mats whispered as tears grew in his eyes, the shock finally showing through his usually calm demeanor would be something he would never pride himself on. Benedikt placed soft, careful hands on either side of Mat's face, reassuring him that everything was fine, _even though it wasn't._ "How is everyone else?" The younger male asked in a quiet tone, desperate to distract himself from the throbbing he felt in his arm, Benedikt's look turned grave as he glanced around them. "No...don't..."

"No one's dead, if that makes you feel any better." Benni said softly as he brushed the hair out of his lover's eyes, Mats sighed in immediate relief. 

"Who's hurt...?" He demanded as he looked the fair skinned man into the eyes, Benedikt's dark eyes grew even darker as he lightly shook his head.

"We're all hurt, Mats. Some just worse than others. Don't worry about it now, we need to get you up and then I need to help everyone else get off of the shore. We need to find a place to spend the night, it's getting dark; and fast." Benni stated with reluctance as he removed his warm hands from Mats' puffy, swollen cheeks. In turn, he gently laced his arm around the mans waist, and helped hoist him to his feet; he tried to ignore the pain filled groan that rolled off of his lover tongue. Benedikt had been the first to awaken, and having done so he had already assured that everyone was accounted for; which he was thankful that they were. He had then managed to free his survival knife from his sopping wet back pack and cut the ropes that bound everyone together. He tried to wake several of them up, Mats first; but when he hadn't responded he tried for anyone. For over an hour, Benni sat on the uncomfortable terrain, ignoring the stabbing pain he felt in his side, that was surely a broken rib or two; he tried to make sure everyone else was alive. Which yet again, he was happy to report that they were. He couldn't stomach some of the injuries that decorated his friend's bodies. Deep gashes, swollen knots, broken bones; whatever it was, it wasn't pretty and Benedikt counted his lucky stars that they had brought medical supplies with them. It had proved to be the smart decision. Now, several of the men stirred. Robert, who was sporting a nasty gash on his leg and a wicked amount of blood that trickled from his surely broken nose, was leaned over Wojciech; who had suffered what appeared to be the brunt of Nature's assault. _At least he's in good hands._ Benni thought as he and Mats convened with several others who had managed to pull themselves off of the rocky shore; Manuel gave the flaxen haired man a nervous smile. The taller man mouthed, 'I'm okay', which at least gave Benedikt slight peace of mind. With tired, stiff arms, the older man helped Mats to the ground, where he landed with a dull thud; he tried to swallow his guilt as he gently kissed the raven haired man on the top of his head. 

"Stay here, I'm going to help the rest of them, okay?" He whispered as he looked his boyfriend of four years in the eye, an apologetic gesture that would go unheard or seen by anyone else around them.

"Okay...and Benni?" Mats asked as he caught the other man by his hand, "don't blame yourself, okay? This isn't your fault." Benedikt smiled and nodded his head, but made no other symbol of acknowledgment; he feared his guilt would show through if he did.

_But this...this is all my fault._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes. What a way to start a vacation! ;O
> 
> comments/kudos are always appreciated, and always rewarded. Leave me some motivation? <3
> 
> XO.


	4. White Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions boil over as a bleak revelation falls over the group, and Mats' well being comes into question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY BUT I AM NOT LETTING THIS STORY OFF EASY JUST BECAUSE IT'S THE HOLIDAYS.
> 
> A lot of stuff happens in this, and I've done a crap ton of research on these things; and also, I've been through one of them (no, I was not lost in the Amazon). So anyway, this is rather emotional (?), I guess. Read at your own risk. ;D
> 
> Errors are probably very prominent in this, but I promise to re-read/edit in the morning. I have got to get some sleep, and I have no Beta. Forgive me.

Mats' body shook with a chill that no one else seemed to feel, the rapturous cold that sunk into bones, or more like _bone_ , began to chill him to the core. A pain filled groan rolled off of his lips as he clutched onto his shoulder, he tried not to notice the blood that oozed onto his hand as he did so; and instead he focused himself on the careful steps he was taking up the hillside. He had no room to complain in comparison with some of the others, he could walk while some others weren't as fortunate. Łukasz had done something gnarly to his hip, and with every small step he took, assisted by Bastian, he wailed in protest. Kuba's knee had given out on him completely, and he was being carried by Lukas who had suffered a broken wrist and a few nasty cuts on the back of his legs. The Sports shop owner surprisingly didn't complain. Bastian either, which shocked Mats in the slightest considering he had a plethora of bruises littering his pale skin, and a gruesome cut just beneath his eye. Manuel had only a few cuts to show, having gotten the least injuries of the entire group, he was helping Thomas, who had swollen legs and grotesque cuts, up the hill. Marco and Mario clung to each other in desperation, Mario's arm was bent at an odd angle, clearly having broken his fall when he washed ashore; but poor Marco's left ankle had snapped. Leaving the slightly older blond in a state of both shock, and livid agony. Benedikt finally admitted to having suffered what he believed to be a few broken ribs, but the flaxen haired man appeared to be fine other than that. Robert's nose was broken, but Benni had helped set it back into place; the Polish police officer made no mention of the long six inch gash that showed too much of the muscle in the back of his leg. But he had more important things to think about, Mats thought as he saw the bright blue eyed brunette carrying Wojciech bridal style in his arms. Poor Woj, the one who had originally derived their last resort plan had broken both of his arms, and broken was an understatement. The bones were stuck out way past his skin, in what Mats swore was the most disgusting thing he had ever seen in his entire life. The Polish chef had a nasty bruise on his forehead that was decorated with several inch long cuts, his eyes were staring up at Robert in disbelief and shock. It pained Mats to the point of no return, he found himself feeling guilty that he had gotten off as easily as he did when the much younger men of the group had to suffer fates much worse than his. He silently cursed the Amazon and the river that raged through it.

"I think we need to stop." Mario mumbled as they finally came to the top of the cliff, a good 100 feet off of the ground and a safe distance up and away from where they had washed up over two hours ago. 

"I agree, I can't go on anymore." Łukasz said with a string of curse words as Bastian helped lower them to the ground, Lukas Podolski carefully sat Kuba down beside him; which seemed to comfort the Polish professor if only a little. 

"I think we're high enough off of the ground now, let's just try to build a fire and get some rest." Bastian murmured as he gave his boyfriend a quick hug and a kiss on the side of his face, Lukas smiled, a sad, twisted motion, in return for the affection. 

"Let's get all of our wounds washed and cleaned up after we get the fire going. We don't need to risk one of us coming down with an infection." Mats spoke up as he carefully slid his back pack down his injured arm, Benedikt seemed to sense the distress he was in and was quick to help the dark haired man in his endeavor. "Thank you..." Mats whispered, no long trying to mask the agony he felt pulsing through his skin, he could only wonder how Wojciech had kept quiet this whole time. Robert hadn't said a word throughout their entire journey, and as Manuel, Bastian, and Benedikt found dry matches and sparked a flame in their makeshift fire pit; he sat still, a solemn expression on his face as he smoothed down his boyfriend's hair. Mats cleared his throat as Manuel dug out medical supplies that hadn't been ruined in their tumble into the raging water. "Help Woj first, I know we all have our own injuries to worry about but he needs it more than any of us do." A silent wave agreement swept throughout the group, and Robert finally rose his head, his crystal like eyes meeting Mats' dark ones; he mouthed two words. _Thank you._ The tan skinned man merely nodded his head, not being able to find any words that could possibly account or make up for what had happened to the chef.

"Mats, let me help-" 

"No, Benni. Help Manuel tend to him, I'm all right. A broken collar bone is no price to pay for escaping with my life." Mats interrupted his lover, a sharp tone in his voice as he put his foot down over the matter. He knew his boyfriend only wanted to help and make sure that he was indeed, _all right_ but he was not as selfish as some would like to believe. 

"Mats, you and Woj have the worst of it all whether you want to believe it or not. The fact I can _see_ your all's bones lets me know that you both have the highest risk for infection. I'm going to help you whether you want me to or not." Benedikt growled as he brandished a hunting knife, for a moment Mats feared his lover as he brought the blade a tad bit too close to his neck, he squeezed his eyes shut. But he never felt a stabbing pain, instead his ears were met with the sound of tearing fabric as he felt part of his shirt drop away from the wound on his arm that still bled freely. Mats no longer fought Benedikt off, but he refused to make eye contact with the man as he delicately poured cool water onto the area before rubbing an anti-biotic cream around the perimeter, the raven haired man bit back a yelp. With expert hands, Benni wrapped the wound in gauze and cotton pads, after completion he offered Mats a spare shirt, one he had brought along with him; he recalled. 

"Thank-" He was cut off by a shrill scream that made his face turn the most pasty shade of white, the other members of the group, Benedikt included, flinched at the sound. "Go help Manu before I smack you." Mats hissed as he pointed with his uninjured arm into the direction of Wojciech and Robert. Benni nodded his head gravely as he retreated, supplies in hand, to the other side of the fire. Mats spared a look after him, noting that Bastian and Robert were literally having to hold the nineteen year old cook down as Manuel shakily wrapped his arms with the white gauze; it quickly turned a deep red. He watched in horror, and in awe, as Benni took a pair of sticks he found on the ground and wrapped those into the gauze on each of his arms; effectively holding the limbs into a somewhat normal placement. Mats didn't know how long he sat there, or how long it took until Wojciech finally passed out from the pain; but he figured it wasn't long. A clearly mortified Robert sat beside him at some point and allowed Bastian to tend to the muscle tearing gash that was brandished in his leg. Mats then thought of the wild cards that were pain tolerance, adrenaline, and love; surely without those Robert would have never even made it off of the shore with a wound so serious. But not only had he done that, but he had carried a man that probably weighed 170 pounds up a 100 foot hill at a sixty degree incline; Mats was thoroughly impressed and saddened by it all. Once everyone had been bandaged up, the raven haired man heard his stomach groan in protest of the lack of nourishment he had provided it with for the day. 

"How much food did we manage to bring with us?" Mats asked with a dry tone in voice, his throat feeling ever so raw from the lack of water he had taken in; anxious glances were exchanged throughout the group. After going down the line, no one owned up for having it; most of their bags were full of their clothes, survival tools; and no useless electronics. Mats had to wonder why no one had thought of it when they had _left_ their camp, but he couldn't blame them considering how much panic had spread throughout them.

"I...I bro-...ught...it." A low voice mumbled in between sharp intakes of breath, it was coaxed in pain; the words barely audible. 

"Woj, save your strength...I know where you're bag is." Robert cooed as he left his spot next to Mats and made a grab for the chef's black North Face rucksack. The Policemen smiled brightly as soon as he wrestled the zipper open from the soaking wet back pack. "Full, and it's all precooked; not only that but he actually grabbed some of the fire starters and of course..." Robert paused as he pulled out a small box. "His spices, can't leave without those can we Wojciech?" Said man made a grunt of acknowledgment which Mats took as an agreement; he found a smile pulling on the corner of his lips. "Too make matters slightly better, his bag is water proof; so it's all safe and sound. Who's hungry?" Several people voiced their opinions, some refusing food, claiming they were in too much pain to even think about the substance; while others happily took him up on his offer. Mats glanced at Benni, who shared a quizzical look with him, _Robert's trying so hard to keep this group together and optimistic, but does he not realize how bad of shape we're all in? How bad of a situation that this really is?_ Mats got the answer to his question when Robert handed him a wrapped up package of beef jerky and a bottle of water; the Polish man's smile fell to a frown. "This is Woj's favorite, but I doubt he minds you having it...I don't think he's in any shape..." he choked on his words as he handed the food off to Mats, the latter watching sympathetically as Robert wiped the hot liquid from his eyes. "I don't think he'll want any." 

"He's going to be okay, Robert." Mats said reassuringly as he handed Benedikt the food, the raven haired man clasped his hand over that of his older friends. 

"I hope so." He grumbled as he broke away and finished making his rounds. He was quick to head back to his boyfriend's aid, Mats in turn felt his appetite disappear. 

"Benni, you can have all of that." He whispered as he buried his face into the flaxen haired man's chest, careful to avoid his injured ribs, and his own broken collarbone.

"Masti, you're going to eat. I don't care if I have to force you." It wasn't a hollow threat, Mats noted the dark tone in his lover's voice that he assumed had risen from the guilt the older man surely felt for what had happened to the people that mattered the most to them. The raven haired man didn't object when Benedikt popped a piece of the dry meat into his mouth, he chewed it half heartily, not even bothering to savor what could be his only meal for the day. 

"God, this is all my fault." The words were barely above a whisper, and at first Mats thought he had imagined the heart breaking sentence; but as he glanced up at Benedikt, who had swollen, tear filled eyes, he realized that had been foolish of him to think. Of course Benni felt at blame, he had been the one to plan the whole trip out; but he had neglected to research _certain_ aspects of their stay. Mats reached up, using his non-injured left hand to wipe away the fat tears that rolled down the other man's pale cheeks. He didn't know what to say, it wasn't necessarily Benni's fault, everyone should have thought to do their fare share of research. But no matter what sentences formed in Mat's head, _this isn't your fault,_ and _Benni you couldn't have known this was going to happen_ all sounded cliche to him. So he said nothing, not even when Benedikt let out a painful, mourning sob; or when he clung to the raven haired man like he would float away if he didn't contain him. A heavy silence hung in the air as Benedikt's cries mangled with the growing sounds of the Amazon's night life; no one dared mutter a word. Mats' eyes grew wide when Benni squeezed him too tight, an onslaught of searing pain ripped throughout his skin, followed by an overwhelming flash of bright light. His eyes slammed shut as the blood in his veins coursed at a rate he didn't know was possible, the sound of his own heart beat became deafening in his ears, he could vaguely hear the call of his name. But it was muffled by a vigorous **thump thump thump** , he felt himself slipping into a state of unconsciousness as the bright light seemed to grow iridescent. The pain became too much, the world weighed down heavy on him as he slipped into the brightest white he had ever seen.

_Benedikt, I'm sorry._

 

\- - - 

 

"What's wrong with him?" Benedikt roared as Manuel's strong arms held him back, properly allowing Bastian to access the damage that littered Mat's body. The flaxen haired man fought hard against his best friend, not paying the smallest amount of attention the throbbing that radiated deep into his skin. Manuel was far too strong in his near uninjured state for Benedikt to properly combat, not that he would have even if he wasn't hurt. But nonetheless, Benedikt was out raged at his friends actions. He _needed_ to be by Mats, to make sure that he was okay, and breathing, and _not dead._ But Manuel had been quick to separate them, claiming that Benedikt "wasn't in his right mind and didn't need to see him like that." The younger man was obviously, quick to disagree; but one could only do so much when the impending, and much stronger, Manuel Neuer was dragging them away with a strength unrelieved by any man. Benedikt felt his patience dissipate as he desperately tried to get a peak at his lover who had fallen backwards to the ground will a dull thump when he had released his vice-like grip. Finally having enough of his friends restraining hold, Benedikt raised his arm out from between them and swung blindly, not registering what he had done until a loud **SMACK** filled his ears. He slowly opened his eyes, barely having the guts to look up at his life long best friend. Manuel's head was tilted to the side, his eyes as wide as dinner plates as he blinked rapidly, trying to register what Benedikt had just done. The light of the fire cast enough light to show that the taller man's cheek was stained a bright red, the younger mans open hand stung from the contact.

"Manuel..." He said softly as his resolve began to crumble, the taller German didn't turn to face him; instead he scoffed. 

"Get out of my face." Manuel growled as he continued to stare into the black oblivion that surrounded them, Benedikt felt his heart shatter just a bit more.

"Manu...I'm sorry." He whined as he gently reached out to place his hand on the other mans shoulder, he tightened his grip when the other man didn't respond. "Please...I'm just..." 

"I know...Benni." Manuel finally responded with a faint smile as he looked down at the slightly shorter man, Benedikt felt tears sting his eyes. 

"I think I found the problem." Bastian's loud voice carried over the sounds of the crackling fire and the insects that seemingly came out of nowhere, the flaxen haired man dared to glance around the man in front of him. Mats was sprawled out on the damp dirt, his head resting on a bunched up piece of fabric that Benedikt realized was the neon orange Hawaiian shirt Wojciech had so eagerly purchased from the survival shop. With uneasy steps, Benedikt approached the limp body of his lover, praying to God that what he was going to see wouldn't further the guilt that had so cruelly pitted into his mind. The professional skier lifted the hem of Mats' new shirt, the one Benedikt had given him moments after tending to his wound; but what shocked him was the growing black and blue bruise that seemed to come out of nowhere. 

"It's blood, trapped under his skin..." Bastian whispered as he gave Benedikt a sympathetic glance, "he has to have some sort of internal injury..." 

_Internal injury._ The words stung the flaxen haired man like a barrage of hornets as he swiftly ducked down to one knee, hands carefully trailing the discolored skin; a look of astonishment brandished on his features. He felt entirely helpless. They had been swept away to some unseen, unknown spot in the forest; without a map (that was left in the cave in their endeavor to leave) and without knowledge of how to return to civilization. 

"Is that life threatening?" 

Benedikt whipped his head around in shock and disgust as the words left young Marco's bruised lips, the latter immediate went into a state of panic when the older man gained a murderous glint in his eyes. Mario, being the younger, and dare he say, more rational of the two, put his arm out defensively. 

"Possibly, yes. It just depends on where the bleeding is coming from." Bastian answered in the same honest tone he always used, but that didn't stop Benedikt from turning back around and roughly shoving the man who was leaned over the unconscious body of his boyfriend. The professional athlete hit the ground with a thud.

"Don't you dare say something like that!" Benedikt hissed as he copied Mario's actions, his arms stretching out on either side of him; shielding Mats from everyone else. He heard a shuffle of feet to his left, as Lukas Podolski stepped into his line of sight; politely offering Bastian his non-injured hand to help hoist him off of the ground.

"I know you're feeling sorry for yourself, and for what you've done, but you have no right to take that out on others." Lukas bellowed as he waved towards Manuel, "you can't take your rage out on all of us, Benedikt. You aren't the only one who is suffering, and you sure as hell don't deserve any special treatment because you can't pull yourself together. And I swear to god, if you ever lay a hand on Basti again-"

"ENOUGH." Kuba cut in as he glared at the group from across the fire pit, an irritated tone laced in with his usually calm voice as he spat on the ground. "You're all lucky that I can't fucking walk or I'd beat the shit out of all of you. Benedikt, apologize to Manuel and Bastian; and Lukas; you apologize too. I swear to god you all are acting like children. Arguing will do nothing here, it will not get us out of this place any faster, and it sure as hell won't save Mats' life or heal our wounds. If you all could be fucking quiet for a few minutes, we could try to figure out how the hell we're going to get out of here and go back home. Do I make myself clear?" 

"He's right..." Benedikt grumbled as he looked back at Mats, poor, beautiful, broken Mats. He didn't deserve this, conscious or not, the slightly older man had vowed to never raise his voice in front of him, and that was exactly what he was doing now. Benedikt was not an irrational, violent person. He wasn't one when he entered the Amazon, and he would be damned if he exited it that way all for the sake of a tragic _**mistake.**_ "I'm sorry...I love you all." He whispered as a hot tear fell down his cheek, with exhausted, careful movements he laid against the cool ground, body flush with Mats. He gently turned onto his side, instantly regretting it when his rib cage screamed in protest; but he wouldn't allow himself to be detoured. Benedikt carefully laid an arm around Mat's chest as his other hand stroked the coarse black locks that sat atop of his head. "I love you so much, Matsi. Please don't leave me." He whispered into his boyfriend's ear as his hand got caught in a tangle that the black locks hid, he carefully raked his fingers through it. 

"I'm not going anywhere..." was the quiet reply that rolled off of Mats' tongue like silk, Benedikt fought the urge to scream in delight at the sound.

"You need to rest..." He insisted as he planted a kiss onto the younger man's cheek, Mats pulled a face as he gently shook his head.

"Can't, I want to make sure I wake up in the morning." The sense of comfort Benedikt felt moments ago immediately disappeared without so much as a trace of it's existence.

"You will wake up tomorrow. Don't say such a thing." He commanded as he began to trace invisible patterns into Mat's chiseled chest, the darker skinned man made a grunt of acknowledgment.

"You didn't sound so convinced a few minutes ago." Benedikt couldn't argue with that, but that didn't mean he had to agree with what he said either. He didn't say another word as the others began to discuss what their best plan of escape would prove to be; he toned them out. Careful, as to not hit Mats' bone deep wound, Benedikt moved his hand over his lover's heart before falling into the most conscious sleep of his life. 

\- - -

"God, I can't do this." Mats mumbled into Benedikt's ear as the latter carried them farther up the cliff top, the group desperate to get a birds eye view of their surroundings; hopeful to find a trace of civilization. 

"What do you mean you can't do it? I'm the one carrying you." The blond retorted with an uneasy expression as he tried to catch his breath. The air had grown hot and foggy at what Benedikt presumed to be noon, but he and the others pushed on; seeing as they truly had no other choice. 

"Do you think we're going to find anything when we get up here?" The black haired man asked as Benedikt tightened his grip on the younger man's legs. 

"Hell if I know, but I hope to God we do." Mats grunted in agreement before allowing his head to fall slack onto Benni's shoulder, "sorry I'm so fucking heavy." He commented as he plucked a stray piece of grass from the shorter man's hair, the latter didn't seem to notice.

"You are heavy, but it's not your fault your built like a damn brick house." Benedikt added with a hint of laughter as they reached yet another mile stone of the giant rocky terrain, he made a mental note that laughing was rather painful.

"Did you seriously just make a Commodores reference?" Mats giggled, a sound so pure to Benedikt that he vowed to himself that he would never let a day go by, saying they escaped the jungle, without hearing that sound again. 

"I did, I won't even lie." The blond announced without an ounce of pride, the atmosphere was thick between the group; tensions were high, and the lack of able walkers was staggeringly low. Poor Mario was being forced to piggy back Marco all the way up the mountain, and one could only wonder how on earth the youngest member of the _family_ was managing to pull that off; still, he did not complain. Mats, who had grown the slightest bit delirious since waking up that morning didn't seem to notice how everyone else was feeling; instead he acted as if he was having the time of his life. Something that worried and confused Benedikt to the point of no return, _he needs a doctor,_ he thought to himself as he tightened his focus on the task at hand.

"She's the one, the only one, who's built like a amazon!" Mats sang in the brightest of voices Benedikt had ever heard come from his lips, and if it wasn't for the fact that Mats was in a serious state of delirium, the fair skinned man would have doubled over in laughter. 

"Mats, that's hardly appropriate." Benedikt scolded as he glanced up at the sun, wondering how hot the weather would turn when the giant glowing orb hit the middle of the sky; on second thought, he didn't want to know. 

"Sh, Benni...it's so appropriate cause we're in the Amazon! Don't you get it?" The black haired male asked with an abrupt fit of laughter, one that earned him several **shut up** 's from the rest of the group. 

"Mats, stop. This isn't funny." Benni pleaded with concern, _this isn't like Mats' at all...well it is like Mats in a way, he certainly can be a dick. But he wouldn't being doing this...it's one thing for me to make a harmless reference, but so blatantly throwing the fact that we're **stuck** here? Mats...what on earth happened to you?_

"Sure it is, Ben." Benedikt's eyebrow went up at this, _Ben?_ "Think about it, we're a bunch of losers who got lost in the forest. How funny is that? We could all be dead by tomorrow and no one would have a clue what happened to us." Mats cackled which brought about another round of disgust from their friend's who we're all walking, or being carried, behind them. "We can be on Lost! Benni, you love that show." 

"Okay, that it." Benedikt howled as he stalked towards one of the boulders that lined the hardly there trail that wound up the cliff side, he turned around until Mats' body was seated on top of it. "Let go of me for a second." He commanded, and he was thankful when the seemingly incoherent man on his back did just that. 

"You're mad at me..." Mats whimpered with a distraught look, "please don't hate me, Benni!" Said man didn't know what to expect when the words rolled off of his lover's tongue, but it certainly wasn't a barrage of hot tears accompanied by an all out sob. Benedikt felt his heart slam into his chest as his boyfriend cried his eyes out on the rock, a few people behind them that he could identify in the midst of it all made remarks about how strange this was, "even for Mats."

"Baby, I'm not mad at you...let me feel you're forehead okay?" Benedikt cooed as he reached out to place his hand on the top of the taller man's head. 

"I told you my stomach was hurting but you didn't remember. Why don't you ever remember when I tell you something?" Mats yelled as his eyes shot around the group with a ferocity Benedikt couldn't pinpoint. _His head...is....freezing?_

"Mats, baby; I know you don't feel good, okay? You're really sick, so I need you to listen to me and be a good friend to the others and don't say such hurtful things, okay?" Mats nodded his head quickly, before looking back at Benedikt, a bright smile on his face.

"I can do that...why aren't we walking Benni? I want to go home." Benedikt placed a wry, false, grin on his face as he moved backwards to allow Mats to get onto his back once more; the worried glances of their friends, were more than worrisome. Even Wojciech, who was perched quite contently, well as contently as he could be, in Robert's arms, had an eyebrow raised.

"We will try to get home as soon as possible, why don't you take a nap? We still have a long way to go." Benni suggested with a shake of his head, _I can't do this, Mats. Please, don't do this to me._ The words stung his brain like the most intense flame ever known to man, but he refused to let it show on his face. _After last night, I can't afford to lose my head again._

"Wake me up when we get there, okay?" Mats purred happily as he snugly wrapped his non-injured arm around the older man's neck, his head falling onto his shoulder once again.

"Okay..." the blond mumbled as he looked Manuel in the eye, his friend gave him a solemn look in return.

"Do you think he's gotten an infection all ready?" Bastian spoke up as he adjusted his hold on Łukasz' waist, the Pole grit his teeth as he was forced to place weight on his bad leg. 

"No way, his forehead is ice cold...he'd be ravished by a fever if that were the case." Benedikt deducted with a deep sadness as he rubbed up and down his boyfriend's legs, that were tightly wrapped around his hips.

"Sepsis, maybe? I know I'm a new student and all, but I am going to school to be a nurse..." Mario added as gently sat Marco down on the ground, the older blond gave him a thumbs up in reassurance; though the pain on his face said anything but 'I'm okay.'

"I thought you wanted to be a pro footballer?" Robert asked with a raised eyebrow as he too took a seat on the ground, Wojciech still cradled in his arms. Mario's sweat covered faced turned an even darker shade of red. 

"I don't know how that will pan out after this...I think I've been inspired to help people now. Anyway, I was taking those classes as a back up plan...but back to what I was saying...." He cleared his throat and readjusted the makeshift sling that housed his broken arm before continuing. _This kid has grown some balls over the last few days._ Benedikt thought to himself as he gently leaned Mats back up against the moss covered boulder, he was in dire need of a rest.

"Sepsis can cause severe mood swings, and abnormal body temperatures; if I remember correctly, Nausea is another common symptom, as is a higher heart rate; which I'd say is why he passed out last night. But Benni..." Mario's small voice trailed off as he suddenly took an interest in his feet, the older German urged him to go on. "Sepsis also usually means it's an infection...if we don't get him somewhere soon he could go into Septic Shock." 

"And why didn't you spit out any of this when we had originally gotten ourselves into this mess?" Benedikt questioned in a blind rage, Mario's face turned dark.

""Excuse me, but I fucked up my arm pretty bad, so I was in a ridiculous amount of pain; and also, I was a little bit busy trying to cope with the fact we all nearly _died_. We all handle things differently, Benedikt. I was in no shape to "spit out my knowledge", and you're lucky I'm telling you this now."" The youngest member of the group answered in a huff as he shot Marco a _'if he says one more thing you better stick up for me'_ look.

"Whatever, anyway, how bad is it; and how soon do we need to find medical assistance?" Benedikt asked in the calmest voice he could muster, reminding himself, again; not to raise his voice.

"You're not going to want to hear this but he has maybe...3-5 days tops before he goes into Shock..." The young footballer paused as he let the information sink in, the accompanied silence did little to comfort Benni. "Septic shock has a high fatality rate...Benni...if he's bleeding internally then you can almost guess that one or more of his organs are in distress. If they fail..." 

"Stop." Benedikt pleaded as he let the younger man's word sink in, and they hit him _hard_. His bottom lip began to tremble as he tried to imagine a world without Mats, a world they once were so keen on exploring didn't sound like a place he wanted to live if the raven haired man in his arms was no longer at his side. 

"We will find him help, Benni." Manuel promised, but the words fell flat as the tone of his voice did nothing to hide his immediate concern. For the umpteenth time in the last few days, Benedikt felt his usually cool demeanor burst at the seems; in a motion of almost defeat, he hung his head down low.

_I've done it in the past, but I promise Mats...I will not let you down again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For all those interested, here is an article on Sepsis/Septic Shock:
> 
> http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/sepsis/basics/symptoms/con-20031900
> 
> Anyway, wow. 
> 
> Thoughts? Feelings? Hate mail? 
> 
> Send it in! 
> 
> Comments/Kudos are always appreciated and treasured. Don't be shy.
> 
> Happy Holidays! :D


	5. Too Cold To Live, To Young To Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group gets a shot of survival, but the circumstance is still dire in the end; Mats' health shows no signs of improving; and the Amazon River fires back at their attempts to flee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is slightly shorter than the previous two, about 4,800 words so I hope that's okay? :O
> 
> Anyway, spelling errors will be fixed as a find them! I'm actually not posting at three am, this is shocking even for me!
> 
> Anyway, please enjoy! And THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL YOU LOVELY PEOPLE WHO LEFT THE NICEST COMMENTS EVER. I was so nervous no one would like this, but you guys are giving me my motivation and my writers block is slowly fading away. Thank you! XO.

"Holy shit...would you look at that?" Robert exclaimed with a glint of excitement as he finally made it to the top of the steep cliff side. 

"What do you see?" Manuel called back from where the rest of the group stood, approximately 45 feet below the peak of the mountain; the Polish police officer waved his hands in a _come here and see for yourself_ motion. "Well, come on Benni." Manu said as he looked over at his best friend who was seated on the ground with Mats' head placed delicately in his lap. Benedikt reluctantly got up from his spot on the ground, but not before placing his now dry backpack under his lover's head. The duo quickly scaled the rock wall with a new found energy and thrill, Benedikt wasn't sure if it had come from the small meal they ate, or at the prospect of a sure fire sign of civilization. Either way, he didn't care. As soon as Robert finished hoisting the duo up, he pointed north east, where a great valley rolled next to the river, trees covered the vast expanse but in the midst of it all was what Benedikt immediately recognized as a building. It was tall, tall enough to be seen from over the tree tops, and a great plume of smoke trailed from it's steel gray exterior.

"That's got to be at least 20 miles from here...and that's being conservative. I'm more inclined to say 50, but-" Manuel was cut off as Benedikt stepped in front of him, peering down at the scene below them.

"But we have a chance now. That's more than we had this morning." He stated in a relieved tone, one that earned him nods of agreement from his two companions. 

"We need to rest here tonight, it's high off of the ground; and we should be able to sleep tucked behind these rocks. Tomorrow morning we will head that way, we should try to be there in three days time. We don't have much food left, so I'm afraid tomorrow might be our last meal unless we manage to find something edible. As for our water supply, it's dangerously low; and we left the water purifiers out by the fire the night of the flood. We're going to have to risk drinking whatever we can find; frankly, we don't have any other options." Robert concluded with wave down at the group below them, who looked up at the trio skeptically. 

"You're right, we need to cut back on how much we're taking in, and three days is going to have to be two and a half. I'm afraid Mats won't hold out long after that..." Benedikt stated sadly as he began his descent back to the others, the other two hot on his heels.

"Well, are we fucked or do we have some sort of God watching over us?" Łukasz grumbled as he rubbed the sore spot in his leg, Kuba swatted his hands away with a look of discontent. 

"The good news is we see what looks to be some sort of energy plant, the bad news is it's at least a few days walk ahead of us in the state we're currently in." A mixed response sprouted throughout the men, some wishfully thinking that it was doable, why others didn't seem to agree. Manuel, who had been the speaker, shot them quizzical looks which successfully silenced the group.

"We can, and we will do this. I refuse to lay down and die when I have a clear chance of survival in front of me. I will not allow any of you to do anything different, we will head out in the morning; whether you cooperate or not. I know I've been a complete dick the last few days, and I apologize, once again. But I'm not going to leave you all for dead out here, you're my family whether you like it or not. We got into this mess together and that's how we're going to get out of it, right?" Benedikt said enthusiastically as he motioned around the group, a hopeful smile growing on his lips at what he had just seen. _Mats, hang on baby. We're going to get you out of here. I just know it._

"Benni, while that's all very sweet and everything, you need to realize that some of us can't even stand on our own." Kuba countered with a frown as the policemen glanced around to the wounded others, those who's legs were mangled and broken beyond immediate repair.

"But we also have plenty of people who are capable of walking and-"

"I have an idea." Benedikt was abruptly cut off as Mario spoke over him, he gave the older German an apologetic look.

"Fire away," Robert answered as he adjusted the straps on his, well Wojciech's, backpack. The youngest man cleared his throat as a serious look swept over his childlike features.

"What if you three went for help and the others stayed here? We could build a fire, or hell; we can catch a tree on fire so when you guys arrive you know where we are and help can easily find us." Mario put his hands up defensively before anyone could retort, "I know there is no sure fire way we will know when you guys get there; but we could set the flame three days from now and if we still receive no help, we can assume you haven't arrived and keep the blaze going." 

"As lovely as that sounds, I'm not leaving Mats here, and you're going to have a hard time convincing Robert to leave Woj with the state he's in, am I right?" Benedikt glanced at the policemen beside him grunted when being put on the spot, but ended up nodding his head anyway.

"I'm not letting Wojciech out of my sight, period." Robert concluded with a bittersweet expression; knowing Mario's plan was better than his own didn't mean he would go through with it. He had his own selfish reasons, but with the current condition the young Polish chef was in he would be damned if he left his side for anything. 

"Well that plans obviously not going to help us reach an agreement." Manuel said with a sigh as he popped his neck, for a minutes time not a word was spoken; each of the men trying to come to their own plans and deductions for what they're next course of action would be.

"We could always built a raft." Marco said, finally breaking the heavy silence that hung over the group; the blond wiped the sweat from his forehead with a discontent look. Stunned looks were exchanged as the young footballers words set in.

"A raft?" Lukas Podolski repeated with the slightest twinge of confusion, Marco simply smiled and nodded his head.

"If we built a raft and kept close enough to the edge of the water we wouldn't have to worry about walking the entire way, and if it starts to rain again we could always get off the water and onto higher ground. It's not fool proof, but it's a good option, I think." 

 

"But then we have to worry about caiman’s and piranha...not to mention the other nasty beasts that lurk in those waters like Anaconda’s. And let's not forget electric eels, bull sharks, and arapaima." Łukasz mumbled with dissatisfaction of the idea of being in said water again. "It's miracle none of us remember our trip down the river bank, but I want to say that at least one of us probably has some sort of wound from one of these beasts. They've growing all too common in these waters, and I'm not so sure that testing our luck again is really the best bet." 

"I'm sorry Łukasz, but I disagree." All eyes fell on Kuba who smiled sheepishly, Łukasz didn't appear to be offended; in fact he actually looked interested in what the other man thought. _Maybe that's how Mats and I should treat each other instead of fighting when one of us doesn't agree with the other._ Benedikt thought to himself as he watched the exchange unfold.

"You are in no shape to walk, I am in no shape to walk; and save for Bastian, Manu, and Benedikt; none of us should be walking anyway. Broken bones or not Robert; that gash on your leg has been bleeding through that bandage since you put it on, you have no business hiking and carrying someone else while you do it. I don't care if you broke your arm, you still shouldn't be up and about; and the fact that Lukas and Mario have had to help carry some of us they deserve a break. A raft is the best idea we have had thus far. It wouldn't be too hard to construct, hell I may be immobile but i can at least tie some trunks together" Kuba added as he rested his head in between his hands, "but that's just my opinion, I'm open to hear whatever else." 

"A raft if done properly is a fine idea, luckily; I've made a few with my father before." Lukas Podolski agreed with a faint shake of his head, "it's actually quite simple. You just build the base, the floor, and then two pontoons on either side. It would have to be quiet big, though. And we would need a lot of wood. I don't know if anyone else noticed it but on the way up here there were several broken trees along the water's edge. If the healthy bunch of you could move them, and tie them properly with the para cord it could very well work." 

"And what about the current?" Thomas asked as he raised his eyebrow skeptically, "we would need to build some sort of paddles to combat that." 

"Yes, but luckily a majority of you have leg injuries. While, Woj, Mats, Mario, and I might be out of commission, you lot can surely steer a raft up a river." Lukas Podolski announced as he rested his head non-injured hand over Bastian's, "I can tell you how to build them. But for now, I think we need to focus on resting and head out in the morning, as you all had said. We have several miles back to the river bed where we initially washed up, and then it's a matter of building the raft. I say that will take us roughly four to eight hours, it needs to be big and durable. But should we accomplish this, we could easily reach the end power plant in two days time."

"Seems...like a good i-idea." Wojciech groaned which alerted Robert to his boyfriend's awakening, "just get us...outta here...okay?" 

"We will, Woj. Don't worry your pretty little head about it." The brunette policemen offered as he took a seat next to the severely injured man. Benedikt felt his legs carry him to Mats side almost absentmindedly, he quickly went down to his knees as his careful hands lifted the hem of the dark red shirt he was adorning. Mat's skin was dark, something that did little to comfort Benedikt into thinking he was all right. The palm of his hand fluttered towards the broken bone the younger man sported, his fingers carefully tore away the knot in the blood soaked gauze as he began to lightly pry the fabric apart. As he got down to the last layer, it was clearly caked to the skin; what he was thankful for however was the lack of a foul smell, which led him to believe his make shift doctoring hadn't gone to waste. When Benedikt was finally able to pull the gauze all the way off he was relieved to see it was only slightly bleeding, likely because he had disrupted it once again.

"Robert, where's the gauze?" He asked with a calm tone as he carefully wiped away the blood with the remainder of the white cloth in his hand, the policemen wrestled with his own backpack for a moment before tossing a roll into Benedikt's open hand.

"I need to change Woj's too, would you mind helping me out when you're done?" Robert asked with a hint of worry, Benedikt could honestly not blame him for the doubt in his voice; he had seen first hand how painful it was for the young Pole to have his arms bandaged. And as much as he wanted to say _hell no, he has compound fractures, I can't look at that! I'll be sick!_ He wound up agreeing. _I'm pretty sure the only reason I can bare to look at Mats' wounds is because he's mine to look after til the end of time. I just need to imagine it's Mats I'm helping, and perhaps I won't lose the little lunch I had._ Benedikt _knew_ it was a stupid line of thought, but for the life of him he could not think of a better way to grin it and bear it. As his hands shakily wrapped the gauze around Mats' wound, he felt the now familiar stabbing pain of his ribs digging awkwardly into his skin. He reminded himself that whatever pain he felt was no longer important, no matter how much it stung, or how much it made him want to scream; Mats was and always would be his top priority.

"I was going to propose to Mats." Benedikt stated dryly as he pulled his lover's shirt back down, desperately trying to rid his mind of the image of the blackened skin.

"You were going to do what?" Manuel asked quite loudly, the flaxen haired man had to wonder whether or not he offended his best friend by not telling him of such a lavish plan. He hoped he wouldn't be too angry.

"I was going to ask Mats to marry me..." Benedikt repeated with a play on words as he leaned down and pressed his bone dry lips to the raven haired man's forehead. _Freezing, he's so cold._

"Benni...are you serious?" Lukas Podolski quizzed as all eyes fell on the former, the Luxury store manager nodded his head solemnly. 

"Hand me my back pack, will you Manu?" He requested as he gently rubbed the growing stubble on Mats' chin, the latter didn't so much as stir. Manuel made quick work of getting his friend the bag he requested, and he watched in a mix of awe and sympathy when Benedikt draped a lone blanket over his lover's still form. 

"Do you think Mats would like this?" Benedikt asked as he pulled the small black felt box out of his back pack before handing it off to Manuel. The taller man pouted as he took the object and he looked down at Benedikt to make sure he was okay with him opening it; a nod of his friend's head was all he needed. 

"Oh, Benni, this is beautiful." Manu mused, trying to hide the sympathy he felt for his friend; _he may never get the chance to give him this..._ being the most prominent thought in his head. He carefully plucked the silver from it's soft confinement, eyes raking over the band that was decorated in the most stunning colored diamonds he had ever seen. 

"Schalke and Dortmund inspired, respectively. I figured that since we could set aside our football taste, that maybe he could set aside the fact that he's far too perfect for someone like me. I hoped he'd say yes, because god, do I love him. He's such a bastard, a stupid, smart ass bastard with the face of an angel; and I am truly unworthy of him. I was going to ask you to be my best man, too. And I figured if he said yes we could just split you all as groomsmen...I've already put so much thought into it..." Benedikt mumbled sadly as he continuously stroked the back of Mats' cool hand, his fingertips ghosted over his wrist and he felt a small surge of shock when he felt how fast the other man's heart was beating. "So please...I know I've been a dick, but don't take this away from Mats, if he loves me as much as he says he does; don't let him die without knowing how much I care. I know some of you have reserves about tomorrow, and I have to admit that even I am skeptical of how it will all play out; but we have to make this work. Do you really..." Benedikt choked before the words left his lips, he felt someone behind him put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Do you really want to bury him here?" He finally forced the words out, which in his opinion made them all to real. _'Admitting something aloud means you understand how real something is, if you choose not to say something; it's easier to pretend that it's not real or that it didn't happen. Admittance is the art of accepting.'_ Mats had so wisely told him those words when Benedikt refused to believe that his parents had rejected their relationship all those years ago; despite having witnessed his parent's outrage first hand. _Mats always knew the right things to say in these kind of situations....why can't I be more like him?_

"Benedikt, we aren't going to let Mats die out here."

"Exactly, we will get him to safety if it's the last thing we do."

"Mats will say yes when you get the chance to ask him, I promise."

"You're going to be such a wonderful husband, Benni. Mats is lucky to have _you_."

Benedikt wasn't sure who said what, and he was hardly conscious of what words came after that too. He felt a light wind blow against his skin, his hair dancing in it as if it was the most welcome of breezes, his head tilted up; eyes fixated on the glorious star covered sky that hung above the group tauntingly.

_It will never cease to amaze that this place is so...so boundlessly cruel...and yet...it's also undeniably beautiful._

 

\- - -

 

"Mats?" The raven haired man vaguely heard his name being called, though he was unable to register where it was coming from. The light in his eyes was astoundingly bright, so much so that even when he closed his eyes, it blinded him. That's when he felt it, a hand, warm and calloused, something he could identify even if he had lost all of his other senses. _Benni._ As Mats glanced around him the scene began to collapse, the iridescent white began to crumble and the gaps were quickly filled in with new hues. Blues, greens, and something gray gave way as a new scene unfolded around him, he was staring up at the sky. The _real_ sky. 

"Mats?" The same speaker from early asked in what sounded like a shockingly surprised tone, it was then that Benedikt came into view. His skin had marks of dirt and specks of blood that looked permanently stained on his usual pale skin, but the ivory itself had a faint red glow; the tale sign of too much sun. 

"Benedikt..." Mats began, testing his own voice but not quite trusting it to form full sentences. The look he got in exchange of his word was encouraging so he dared to try it again. "Where are we? What happened?" His voice was barely above a whisper, and his throat was so dry he swore it felt as if it would cave in on itself at any moment. Sensing his distress, Benedikt helped prop him up; which made the raven haired man sway in a dizzy haze. The slightly older man quickly steadied him, before brandishing a bottle of water, it's contents crystal clear. 

"Drink, okay?" Benedikt's words were more of an order than a question, so Mats did as told; draining the bottle about half way before offering it back to his lover, who quickly sealed it.

"Where are we?" Mats repeated as he felt water rise and splash against his hand with no apparent explanation, for a moment he wondered if they had ever left the shore they had washed up on days ago. _Maybe that was all a dream, maybe we never left...maybe this is a dream. Maybe I'm still back at home, waiting anxiously to go to Brazil..._

"Floating down the river at the moment...we found an energy plant when we scouted out the area...we're getting out of here, Mats. We should be there in a day or two...okay?" Benedikt whispered as he rested their foreheads together, something that Mats leaned into without hesitation.

"It hurts, Benni." Mats whispered as a hot tear rolled down his cheek, his boyfriend's thumb was quick to discard of it. "I'm dying...aren't I? God...it hurts so much..." The black haired male let out a quiet sob as his skin felt on the verge of splitting open, his shoulder stung worse than the stings of a thousand bees, and couldn't think of a thing that would take the pain away save for death.

"No, you're not dying." Benni said, but the words seemed to fall flat; a hint of the truth or of a promise lacked in in the simple sentence, and to Mats it was enough. _I **am** dying..._

"Benni...don't be silly...you know everyone always says they know when their time is, right?" Benedikt let out a sharp cry, and hot liquid rolled down in between their faces; each of their salty tears mixing as they left wet trails down their skin. "At least...at least when my life flashes before my eyes it will be worth watching...thanks to you, Benedikt." 

"Don't say that, Mats..." his lover pleaded with utter desperation, but Mats was having none of it. 

"Benedikt, you're not listening to me..." he whispered as he felt his heart rate soar once again, he blinked several times; trying to ignore the white that was slowly fading back into his vision. "Where..." he paused, not out of anything other than sheer confusion as he looked around him; water, rocks, and trees lined the way; and he felt foreign in their surroundings. "This isn't...we don't...what happened to our apartment?" Benedikt pushed them apart, hands focused on holding Mats' face level with his, while the latter's dark brown eyes flicked back and forth rapidly. "We weren't...this is..."

"Mats..." Benedikt called out mournfully, dreading the moment that his lover slipped back into such an unstable state; he couldn't think of anything worse then seeing Mats so vulnerable. The group behind them kept quiet, no one daring to say a word as they labored their raft down the river, tired expressions adorning their once lively faces. "I love you, will you marry me?" He rushed the words out, fearing he may never get the chance to say them again; Mats stared at him blankly, seeing, but not really seeing him.

"Why would you ask me such a thing?" Mats whimpered as his left hand shot out, desperately ripping at his shoulder, Benedikt grabbed his arm in an attempt to stop him. The younger man fought back with a strength the blond man couldn't fathom considering the state he was in; Mats hands had torn through the gauze, a fresh stream of blood soaking the already red tee shirt.

"MATS, STOP!" Benedikt pleaded as he pinned his boyfriend down in order to restrain him, the latter stared up at him with a malice that made the flaxen haired men shake. 

"Kill me." Mats taunted, a devilish smirk appearing on his poised and perfectly shaped lips, Benedikt looked down at him awestruck. "You're fucking doing it already, so get it over with, Benedikt. Kill me!" The raven haired man screamed as he furiously fought back against the older man who held him firm to the wooden float below them, a stunned expression decorated his features. 

"Mats...please..." Benni moaned painfully, knowing that the words that rolled off of his lover's tongue like the most lethal of poisons were not truly what he wanted to say; or so he hoped.

"Benedikt, I don't wanna die anymore..." Mats whimpered as his mood seamed to change at the flip of a dime, something the blond couldn't even begin to comprehend. _He's really sick, Benedikt. He doesn't mean what he says, and he can't control what he does...keep that in mind._ He reminded himself in order to distract himself from the pain his boyfriend's words and actions caused, Mats' fist had landed flat onto his rib cage moments ago; sending a fiery wave of nausea throughout his body. He felt like his head was swimming, his vision coming in and out as he gazed down solemnly at the man he had been, and still was, keen on keeping alive and healthy. 

"Mats, you're really sick..." A small voice sounded from somewhere down the raft, Mario's. Mats whipped his head from side to side as he tried to pinpoint the location of the speaker, eventually Benedikt had to help him by pointing out the youngest man in the group. "You need to keep still, and try to rest as much as you can, okay?" The small footballer said as he wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead, Marco who was paddling the _boat_ down the canal nodded his head in agreement. 

"You are very sick, baby. Just rest and we will get you out of here in no time, all right?" Benedikt confirmed as he carefully leaned down and pressed his lips to the younger mans, Mats gave nothing in return, but this didn't detour the flaxen haired man from showing his affection. _He can't kiss me back, he's not thinking clearly; don't take it personally._ He chanted to himself as he backed away, sure enough Mats laid back with a look of total exasperation on his face; eyes still not focused on anything in particular. Moments later they shut, his labored breaths grew worse but became steady over the next few minutes; his heart rate; that Benedikt felt through his wrist, the one he had become accustomed to holding, was going too strongly for his liking. 

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Robert's harsh voice roared as he waved his wooden _paddle_ in the air, "stop this damn thing! Now!" He commanded, and moments later the raft came to a less than smooth halt as it dragged up from the muddy water and onto the rocks they had been traveling alongside. Benedikt hopped off of the wood, desperate to stretch his legs from their long journey, and to also get a glimpse at what had stopped them in their tracks so abruptly. 

"Whoa...that's...terrifying..." Benedikt grumbled as he pulled the raft out of the water with a new found sense of panic, like hell was he going to leave Mats' unconscious body in the water with _them_.

"What in the hell...why are they just staring at us like that?" Marco asked in shock as he scooted away farther from the waters edge, Mario stood in front him protectively. "Guys..." He spoke up again as a soft crunching sound met their ears, the group of creatures before them didn't move but watched more warily. Benedikt spared a glance back as he lifted Mats bridal style in his arms, his chest screaming in protest as he did so. Marco held the small crushed gooey object out for all of them to see. The flaxen haired man felt his jaw drop as he silently cursed their recent round of absolutely horrible luck. _Eggs..._

"So what do we do now?" Benedikt asked in shock as he took another step backwards, the terrain transitioning from rocks into what he could only describe as hay; he felt the ground beneath his feet crunch. No one said a word as they carefully got their things, or loved ones, off of the boat before retreating backwards; the group of beasts in front of them slowly began to move forward.  
"Guys!" Benedikt prompted again as he demanded to get the groups attention, but still no one so much as made a sound as they stared a large, and he meant large, group of Caimans in the eye.

"How about run?" Robert asked as he quickly scooped up Wojciech, Benedikt nodded his head.

_Like I need to be told twice._


	6. Love Vigilantes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope has never been so close, yet so far away. Mats' condition takes a turn for the worse, Benedikt reflects on the past; before reality reminds him to look into the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About 5,200 words lie before you, please let me know how you feel about them!
> 
> I will proof read and edit errors in the morning, as per usual! So please ignore those for the time being, anyway enjoy....
> 
> ;p
> 
> XO.
> 
> (Bold and italic texts indicate 'flashbacks')

"Okay, I think...we can stop now." Benedikt panted as he gently laid Mats' limp body on the mossy terrain, the group around him all fell to the ground in a mix of exhaustion and agreement. 

"I think...we should go get the raft...if possible. We could just...put in the water past 'em." Robert said through sharp intakes of breath as he clutched onto the back of his leg, the wound beneath his fingers was bleeding heavily through the white gauze and down his sunburned skin.

"I think that's probably the best thing we can do, too. But Robert, you aren't going; you need to tend to that before it gets worse. Manu, Bastian, do you guys feel brave enough to help me out here?" Benedikt asked as he finally caught his breath, he looked to the pair he had spoken to for any sign of confirmation, but they appeared too lost in thought. "Basti? Manu?" He repeated which finally gained him their full undivided attention, with a shake of his head he repeated his question.

"Yeah, sure. Why not? We're all on the verge of death anyway, might as well take a gamble." Bastian mumbled as he stretched out his tired legs, Manuel nodded his head solemnly as he sat Thomas down to the side of the trail they had blazed.

"Someone please take care of Mats if he wakes up, or if something happens." Benedikt added as he braced himself to go back down the ravine, hoping to god that when they got back down to the water that their boat would still be there and that the caiman's would be gone.

"Don't worry, we will take care of him." Łukasz added with a smile that left Benedikt feeling more reassured about leaving his lover's side. The trio set out back down the hill they had climbed at godspeed, the terrain crunched beneath their feet as they hastily made their way back to the waters edge. They hadn't went very far, only up what the flaxen haired man presumed was a 100 foot incline, going down was much easier than going up he noted; and he had to wonder how hard it would be to drag the extremely heavy wooden raft up the bank. When the water came back into sight, the ravenous beasts in the water had retreated back to the other side of the river, which settled Benedikt's nerves if only a little. They made delicate, yet hasty steps over the creatures eggs before they reached the raft which was thankfully still in it's place. The trio struggled to pull the heavy wood up from the bank but were eventually successful in doing so, Benedikt kept a close eye on their company as they made a slow, yet precise retreat. 

"This thing is monstrous," Manuel complained as they began to hoist the big wooden raft up the moss covered bank, the wet moss did little for their stability but provided an easier surface to glide the boat over. 

"It's heavy as fuck, too." Bastian added with a huff of air as they got about 20 feet off of the ground and up the steep incline, no one said a word as they struggled up the ravine. But as soon as they made it up from the river bank, Benedikt yelped and dropped his end of the wood. Manuel and Bastian sat down their respective ends and rushed to his aide as he gripped onto his rib cage for dear life, a sudden wave of exhilarating pain radiated throughout his body.

"Are you okay?" Manuel asked in concern as a reassuring hand rested on Benedikt's sweat soaked back, Benedikt nodded his head sheepishly, desperate to mask the agony he felt spread throughout him like wildfire.

"Fine," he said through gritted teeth as he reached back down for his end of the raft, behind him the pair exchanged worried glances. "Let's get this over with and get this baby back on the water before we run out of day light." 

"Are you sure you're okay?" Bastian asked with concern as he went back to his respective spot at the front, the flaxen haired man nodded once again. The older men didn't mention it again, but they did keep careful eyes on Benedikt as they arrived back to their new found base. 

"Sweet, you guys got it." Kuba said with a smile as he pointed down the other end of the cliff top, "I guess we need to head down there with it then. How are we going to do this? Some of you will have to make two trips..."

"That's fine, let us get the raft down there then we will be back for you lot." Benedikt replied with a trace of a scowl, the pain in his side doing little to quell the exhaustion he felt in his bones.

"Benni, are you-"

"Drop it, Manuel, there is no other way we're going to get out of here. I'll rest when I'm home or when I'm dead." The flaxen haired man interrupted with a sigh; Manu dared not say anything else at the mention of his full name, something Benedikt never used unless he was upset or serious. They quickly headed back down the other side of the ravine, each of them taking slow cautious steps as they once again entered the unknown. The grass was thick, cool, and surprisingly soft beneath their feet; something that becoming rare when they had grown accustomed to mud, rocks, and bone dry leaves. 

Benedikt thanked the gods that the temperature was slowly but steadily dropping, they had consumed the last of their food supplies that morning, and without a sure fire means to obtain food; the cooler weather made him feel less sick to his stomach. They had boiled some of the river water and refilled the plastic bottles with it the day they had built their escape boat, but the water still tasted absolutely foul and Benedikt had to wonder what on earth he was really drinking. He didn't exactly want to know, the more he thought about it. Once they hit the bottom of the hill, they rested the raft about ten feet away from the rocky bank of the river, the caiman's were no longer in sight, having been put behind them now. He could see no other strange creatures, except for the occasional bird, or iguana which he had seen scurry off into the tree tops. He made a mental note that he quite liked the red and green water/tree living creatures, and that he would have to get one as a pet, if he was able too, for when he and Mats' returned to their humble abode. Without a word, the trio set back up the hill, each aching with the pain of the labored work, save for Bastian who was in fact a professional skier, he claimed he was used to climbing such steep inclines; Benedikt felt a pang of jealousy at his comfort level. Once the group was whole again, the flaxen haired man made quick work of slipping on his backpack and scooping Mats' still body in his arms. With a frown, he began his tired descent for what would be the third time. Mats looked like an angel, he thought as he spared a glance at the slightly older man who laid eerily still in his steadily weakening arms. _Don't drop him._ He chanted to himself for silent motivation as he shuffled his way down the grass and back towards the rocky water bed. The other men joined him soon after, each battling their own demons as they loaded up the float once again, Bastian ran back up the hillside to grab the abandoned paddles; leaving Benedikt once again jealous of his boundless energy and extreme level of fitness. 

In a matter of a few minutes, they were resuming their way down the mud colored water, no one saying so much as a word as they headed up the large canal with slow, tired movements. The sky was growing gray, but it was more of an overcast, Benedikt noted as the air didn't feel muggy in the slightest, he began to wonder why Mother Nature had decided to not provide any more rain since their tumble down the Amazon. He supposed he should feel thankful, considering he and the others were in little to no shape to even be moving about, dealing with another flood would wind up proving deadly, he feared. 

"Look!" Robert exclaimed from beside Benedikt as he pointed excitedly at the skyline, the fair skinned man felt his mouth drop and his heart race a thousand miles per minute. The plume of smoke they had seen two days prior was now visible over the tree tops with the naked eye, no need for an aerial view this time; their destination was finally in sight.

"That's the most beautiful pollution I've ever seen in my entire life." Marco said in a sing song voice, temporarily forgetting his pain and worries as an excited and joyous atmosphere fell over the group.

"Here that Woj? We're going home." Robert said with a grin as he cast a glance back towards his boyfriend who laid out next to Mats, still suffering from the shock that came hand in hand with having earned two compound fractures for his once clever plan. 

"Do you think we can make it there today?" Benedikt asked in a haze as he reached backwards for Mats' hand absentmindedly, it was ice cold. He felt the hairs on his body stand up abruptly as he desperately gripped onto the other man's wrist, feeling for the once thunderous heart beat that let him know the other man was fighting hard for his life. What he felt, or what he didn't feel, sent him into an immediate state of panic. "MATS!" He screamed as he ditched his paddle and spun around to face the unusually pale face of his boyfriend, "Mario...please help him." He sobbed as he placed an ear to his lover's battered chest, the very faint, nearly nonexistent **THUMP....THUMP....** caused his own heart to surge forward as the youngest member of their group scooted down the raft; his broken arm still decorated in a makeshift sling. 

"What's the matter?" Mario asked as he pressed his uninjured hand to the pulse point in Mats' neck, he pulled a face when he found out what Benedikt had been freaking out about, _and rightfully so_ , he thought to himself. "I was right, he's definitely septic...shit, he's already in shock. We need to hurry, he's not going to be able to pull through if we don't make it there in the next few hours or so." Mario doubted his words the moment they left his lips, but he didn't have the heart to tell Benedikt what he really thought. _God, Mats...I'm so sorry we let this happen to you...I'm sorry you're not going to make it...I'm going to miss you, brother..._ The thought alone made tears prick at his eyes but he willed himself to blink them away, not wanting Benedikt to see the lie in what the blond haired man surely felt was the truth. They needed a miracle of Mats was going to pull through, and in his current state there was absolutely no way he was going too. Mario didn't think much about religion, but when the boat took off back down the river bank; he bowed his head and prayed.

_Please, don't let him die out here._

\- - -

"Guys, hurry!" Benedikt whined as they navigated the raft down the river towards the tall steel gray building that was slowly but surely coming into view, he was paddling with a new found expertise as the sheer anxiety of losing Mats turned into a very harsh, very real reality. 

"Benedikt, we're going as fast as we can." Kuba responded apologetically as he surveyed their surroundings, pondering how much longer it would take them to wash ashore that area, and how long it would take for them to receive proper help. The odds were stacked against them, he noted as he predicted it would take at least another hour to hit the shore by the energy plant, then perhaps another two for a helicopter to find them. But the last part didn't hold much weight considering people obvious worked in the tall, steel gray tower. _There has to be a doctor, or a town there..._ he thought to himself as he prayed that they would catch a break and be able to find a hospital in time to save Mats' life. 

Benedikt pouted as he kept pace with the others, his thoughts drifting too far away for him to pay any attention to what he was actually doing. He allowed his eyes to flutter close for a moment before staring back at the dismal brown water that they floated so helplessly on. He found a smile grow on his lips as memories of Mats, the man he loved, the man he was so desperate to save danced in his head. 

_**"Benni, why do you put up with me?" Mats asked as he studied himself in the full length mirror that hung on his bedroom wall, Benedikt who was laid out in the raven haired man's bed, covered only by a blanket, sat up with a perplexed look.** _

_**"What do you mean?" The blond questioned as his head tilted to the side, eyes adjusting to the bright light of the sun that flitted through his boyfriend's bedroom windows. Mats' parents had gone out of town for the weekend, leaving the twenty year old and the twenty one year old alone to their own devices; something Benedikt was endlessly grateful for. Mats, who stood in only a pair of black boxers, rubbed his left arm with his right hand anxiously before turning around.** _

_**"I've never been able to understand why you want to have me by your side..." Mats whispered with a sadness Benedikt never wanted to hear again, the blond felt around beside his boyfriend's bed in search of his boxers. When found, he slipped the blue cotton over his hips and slipped out from beneath the warm down comforter. With careful, calculated steps he waltzed to over to Mats, who's chest he touched with his warm, slightly calloused palms. The black haired man didn't say anything but simply stared down at Benedikt with such longing and affection that the blond could hardly believe the look was meant for him.** _

_**"I love you, that's why." Benedikt said the three words for the first time without so much as a hitch in his breath, having prepared himself since their senior year to say these words; it instead felt like a tidal wave of relief fell over him. Mats' dark eyes went wide with he could identify as shock, and something much more serious that he could only kindle with complete adoration.** _

_**"You love me?" Mats repeated the words with a hint of hesitation, but in need of confirmation of what he had just heard come out of his lover's lips.** _

_**"I do, and I always will. You're not the same boy who taunted me and Manuel all those years ago in English class, you're instead the same boy that beat up those bullies who bothered me. You've been that same overprotective, overly emotional man ever since then. So yes, of course I love you. I love everything about you." Benedikt answered with a sincere smile and a gentle squeeze as he pulled Mats into his arms, the raven haired man was quick to hug him back.** _

_**"You even the love the way I take cold baths and eat pizza sideways?" Mats asked with a chuckle as he recalled the way that Benedikt had looked at him on both occasions when he had found those things out.** _

_**"Yes, even your weird habits." The blond confirmed with a giggle as he raked his hand through Mats' dark coarse locks, the younger man smiled as he gripped onto Benedikt's waist, his other hand resting on the back of the blond's head.** _

_**"God, I love you too, Benni." Mats whispered as he rocked them back and forth gently, each of them simply enjoying the feeling feeling of being with one another. Neither of them could be completely sure what the other was thinking, but they both had a good idea of what was on the other' s mind.** _

_**'I'm so glad I have you.'** _

Benedikt felt tears sting his eyes as they rapidly moved down the dark water, the sun was threatening to set and disappear at any moment but still they trucked on. The steel tower on the horizon was growing closer and they would arrive in what the flaxen haired man hoped was ten to twenty minutes time. Ignoring the doubt in his mind, he let his mind wonder again; this time to the first real fight he and Mats had ever had.

_**"Fine Mats, do whatever you want!" Benedikt howled as he waved his arms wildly towards the door of their new apartment, his boyfriend stood about ten feet in front of him, a box of their nicer dishes in his hand. It was a week until Christmas, and Benedikt's present to Mats was their new found home; something the two had slaved tirelessly for. The blond more so than anyone, he had sank his life savings into securing the spot in time for the holiday, but Mats had just dropped a bomb on him by saying, "I'm going to my parents for Christmas." Something that clearly, Benedikt wouldn't be attending, seeing as the raven haired man's parents were anything but accepting. They allowed Mats to work in their restaurant on the sole condition the blond never stepped foot in their establishment or home, as if it wasn't enough being disowned by his own parents, his lover's hated his guts for 'turning their son gay.' Mats expression grew dark, and with a slip of his fingers, the cardboard box that housed the fine china crashed to the floor. Glass shards shattered up into the air as it made contact with the hardwood; yet Mats seemed unfazed. He was eying Benedikt in the 'you can't control what I choose to do' kind of manner which only added to the blond's rage.** _

_**"Are you kidding me, Mats? What are we...five?" Benedikt screamed as he stared at the box in disbelief, his feet began carrying him towards it when Mats stepped away and stormed up the stairs into their shared bedroom to do god knows what. Benedikt's eyes raked over the broken fragments until falling on one piece in particular. It was shattered now, but the bright blue crystal pieces told the story of what it once was. "No...but...why was that in there?" He whispered as he carefully grabbed the largest piece, his skin suffering minor cuts and pricks as the smaller glass shards dug into him. He grasped the broken glass before holding it up to the ceiling, allowing the light to hit it and illuminate what was the remnant of something very dear to him.** _

_**"Grandma...I'm sorry....I told you I'd take good care of it..." he mumbled sadly as he continued to eye the shard of glass that had once been a part of his beloved Grandmother's jewelry box. The last item Benedikt had to remember her by was soiled, broken beyond repair; and all because Mats couldn't contain himself and his anger. Angry, he rose to his feet, still clutching to the dark blue item as he followed in his boyfriend's footsteps and set off towards their bedroom. Upon swinging the door open, his eyes immediately went to Mats, who was sitting on their large queen sized bed that was still bare, the sheets housed in one of the many boxes they hadn't unpacked.** _

_**"Do you know what this?" Benedikt said with a twinge of pain as he brandished the shard before Mats, who turned ever so slowly to look at it.** _

_**"I haven't the slightest idea what that piece of junk is, nor do I care. Leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you right now." Ignoring the sting in his boyfriend's words, Benedikt took another shaky step forward.** _

_**"This 'piece of junk' was my grandmother's, you idiot. The one thing I was able to take from her home and you've destroyed it. Are you happy now, Mats?" Benedikt bounded as he continued to approach the dark haired man, Mats' eyes grew wide in realization of his earlier mistake.** _

_**"Benni I-"** _

_**"God you suck, Mats. You..." Benedikt trailed off as hot tears began to fall down his cheeks, he was more angry than upset; but he had always been an angry crier. Something that Mats made fun of several times before, but didn't dare mutter a word about it now. The older man realized he looked like a fool, standing in his bedroom clutching a piece of glass that was now digging into his hand with a sharp sting; tears streaming down his cheeks as he clutched the object to his chest for dear life. "You idiot, she...she was my best friend when I was a kid. She was the only one besides Manu who would actually listen to me. She was the only one in my family who gave a damn about what I was going through...and now...now she's gone and you've ruined the one thing my parents let me have to remember her by." Benedikt wailed in self pity as he remember how truly great the woman had been for him, even when he voiced that he was in fact interested in men and not women, she was completely understanding and nonjudgmental. 'In my day such a thing was a taboo evil, but I never agreed with such a farce...the heart wants what it wants, Benedikt. You must never forget that or lose sight of what makes you who you are.' Those were the words she once so wisely told him, and they were something he told himself all of the time.** _

_**"God, Benni...I'm so sorry..." Mats whispered as he stood up from his spot on the bed, a true look of regret on his face as he carefully approached the man in front of him, it was almost as if he was approaching a wounded animal. His calculated movements meaning he showed no harm, that he was truly sorrowful for what pain he had caused the other living being, and that he was sorry. The look in his eyes varied from that that Benedikt had seen moments ago, this was a soft, thoughtful look; which was stark in contrast with the malice and rage the raven haired man had sported just a short while ago. He allowed Mats' arms to encircle him, he allowed himself to be led to their bed, where Mats laid him down gently before climbing up next to him. The younger man pulled Benedikt, who was still holding the glass, into his arms once again before asking the blond to relinquish his hold on the item. He reluctantly did, just to save himself from being intertwined in another fight. At some point he fell into a deep sleep, not even having the luxury of having a pillow, though he did have Mats' chest, or a blanket to curl up into, though he did have his boyfriend's loving arms. When he awoke the next day, he was alone. Though a pillow had been placed under his head and a blanket was carefully draped over his frame, successfully keeping him warm in the midst of what had proved to be the coldest December that part of Germany had ever seen. Not like the heater didn't work. With tired eyes, he scanned the room but found it empty, though to his surprise a small box sat on his night stand, one he instantly recognized. It was hideous, the blue glass was glued together with a thick white goo, and the top was missing several pieces, but even in his realization of how truly ugly it was; he found the most stunning beauty in it. It was his Grandmother's. Along side it was a note of three simple sentences, twenty one letters, one apostrophe, six spaces, and three periods in total; it was a masterpiece in Benedikt's mind.** _

_****_

I'm sorry.

I tried.

I love you.

__  
**  
_Benedikt felt a smile tug on his lips as he sat the note aside and slipped out his bed, his feet carrying him happily down the stair case into their living room. He fought back a gasp when he saw how hard at work Mats' had truly been. Everything they owned was out and in place, the furniture had been put together, the rugs spread out on the ground, and in the far corner was their Christmas tree in all it's glory. The couple had picked it out together a day prior, and it had been strapped to the hood of Mats' car ever since, Benedikt had to wonder how the brunette had even gotten it into the building on his own, but he didn't think much about it as he stared directly at the bright lights, and beautiful ornaments. What really warmed his heart was two additions to their mantle, they were two stockings with their names carefully stitched into the top; Benedikt swore the smile on his face was the happiest one he had ever sported. His feet winded up carrying him to the kitchen, where Mats was furiously downing a cup of coffee, exhaustion clearly evident on his face as he glanced at the boxes that were stacked up in the kitchen that appeared half way unpacked._   
**  


_**"Mats, I love you." Benedikt said happily as he caught his lover by surprise, the raven haired man nearly choked on his coffee when the older man flung himself into his arms. Mats sat the mug aside and in turn wrapped his arms tightly around the fair skinned man's waist, a tired, yet endlessly pleased smile tugged at his lips.** _

_**"I love you too. Do you like what I've done with the place?" He asked as he smoothed down his boyfriend's slightly wild bed head, the older man nodded in appreciation.** _

_**"I love it, how did you get all of this done?" Benedikt asked as he rubbed up and down the other man's back, gently trying to massage whatever sore muscles Mats had from doing so much intensive labor on his own.** _

_**"I didn't sleep, that's how. I took the next few days off and figured since I was a total dick last night that I could try to make it up to you. I'm sorry I broke that box...I tried my best to fix it, but some of the pieces were so far gone that it was really hard." Mats sighed as he glanced down at his hands, that were bandaged up from where he had nicked himself so many times on the dark blue glass, it was all worth, he mused when Benedikt quickly pressed their lips together.** _

_**"It's okay, you've fixed it. I think she'd like the new design actually, she was quite crafty herself...but you need to get some sleep. Okay? I'll finish up in here." Benedikt pretended not to notice the band aid's on the younger man's hands to save Mats from further embarrassment, though he was glad he had at least tended to them.** _

_**"Oh, and one more thing." Mats said as he politely brushed Benedikt's hold aside, with tired steps he crossed the distance in the kitchen and came back with several cloth bags in his hands. He carefully sat them on the counter before pulling one of the objects from within out into the open, Benedikt felt the smile grow on his face, though he wasn't sure how that was even possible.** _

_**"You bought new dishes..." Benedikt stated contently as his lover pulled the ornate plates, bowls, and mugs from their respective bags; a sheepish smile on his face as he did so.** _

_**"Do you like them? I can take them back if you don't." Mats announced as he bit his lip, silently hoping that Benedikt would indeed forgive him for what he had done.** _

_**"I do, you did a great job picking these out." Benedikt answered honestly as he strode over to his boyfriend, who he kissed for the second time that morning. Mats' response was lazy, likely from his exhaustion, but nonetheless the blond was allowed to explore every inch of his boyfriend's mouth. Something that would always prove to be exciting and foreign as his tongue danced along side the other man's, Mats tasted of coffee, the sweetness he always had mixing with the strong caffeine laden liquid; it was too much for Benedikt to take in all at once sometimes. But god, was it the most amazing thing he had ever been blessed enough to claim as something only he could taste. They broke away eventually and reluctantly, but the need for air surpassed the desire to stay in that moment forever. Benedikt rested his forehead against the other man's, who's eyes were closed and surrounded by a darkness commonly paired with sleep deprivation. "Go get some sleep, okay?"** _

_**"M'k, I love you, 'enni." Mats yawned as he slipped out of the older man's hold, clearly intent on going to their room and falling into slumber as quickly as possible. Benedikt shook his head and smiled to himself before beginning on the tiring task of sorting through the rest of his and Mats' belongings. That Christmas, Mats stayed home.** _

 

"Benni?" The word snapped said man back into reality as he came face to face with Manuel Neuer, who had a more than concerned look on his face. 

"Yes?" Benedikt responded warily, which earned a small smile from the man in front of him.

"Look." Manuel instructed as he cleared out of the blond's way, the younger man gasped as the tall steel building they had been chasing for the last few days finally emerged in front of them. "We're here...let's get Mats off of this thing and find some help, yeah?" 

"Yeah..." Benedikt stated in a sense of shock as the raft crashed to a halt on the shore line, everyone behind him screamed in delight and thanked god for what they had accomplished, but Benedikt had other ideas. He flung himself to the ground, not caring how much his ribs hurt, not caring how badly his skin screamed when he hit the uneven terrain, instead he leaned down and pressed his lips to the ground as if he was a sailor returning from a long voyage away from home. 

_Mats, you're going to be okay...would you look at what we've accomplished? It's all for you, baby...it's always been all for you..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hate mail? Love? Feelings? I wanna hear all about it. :D


	7. Hospital For Souls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally part of the (next) chapter, but it would be way to long so I decided to split it up a bit. This is quite short in comparison with the others, about 3,600 words but a lot happens, I assure you. Also, their is a time gap...
> 
> Spelling/grammar errors will be edited tomorrow when I have the time, sorry but I just want to get this posted in the mean time! Sorry for the delay! <3

"The patient's name is Mats Hummels, age is 22 years. He was lost in the jungle when a flood destroyed his camp, he's been unconscious for several days, and unresponsive for the last 3 hours. His pulse has dropped to 40 beats per minute, and his breathing pattern is sporadic. A friend of his is a nurse and believes he's septic, we need to run a-"

"Wait!" Benedikt howled as the door leading to the ER slammed shut in his face, a pair of strong hands, a nurse, held him back. Not allowing him to follow Mats' bed as he was wheeled off into the isolated section of the hospital. 

"Sir, we need to have you go in for an examination." 

"No! He's more important, please just let me go!" He wailed as he was dragged off and through another door, one he saw his friends being taken into moments before. They had lucked out, and big time. Upon washing ashore, the power plant's crew discovered them. Thankfully they had found someone who spoke enough English to realize their distress and call for help. The ambulances arrived moments later. A Town had been nestled behind the confinements of the trees, something invisible to their eyes when they had got a birds eye view. The drive to the hospital was short, less than thirty minutes later they were being rushed into the large sterile building. Several times, doctors and nurses had tried to pry Benedikt from his boyfriend's side, but he was having none of it; and he managed to remain at Mats' side until the moment he was forced behind a cheap blue curtain where the nurse urged him to get onto the bed. 

"Please sit your bag down," the nurse instructed as he turned away and brought over a line that Benedikt presumed would be for an IV. Being too tired and too stressed out to fight them any longer, he did as instructed and sat his back pack on the ground, the ring that sat in the front pocket still burned holes in his vision. _As soon as Mats recovers, I'm proposing. He's going to be fine now, we're in good hands._

"Will you please remove your clothes, there is a gown on the end of the bed that is for your use." Benedikt sighed but made quick work of kicking his boots and pants off, when it got down to his shirt he let out a prolonged groan of pain which prompted the nurse to spin around. 

"My ribs...I think their broken." The flaxen haired man wheezed as he laid back against the bed frame, the other man brandished a pair of scissors that he used to snip the offending material away with, with careful hands he unraveled the makeshift bandaging that Manuel had done on the blond's side. The nurse pulled a face when he saw the bruising and discoloration, but made no remark about it as he slipped the paper gown over Benedikt, who complied willingly at this point. Once the IV was sunk into his veins and his body began getting properly hydrated, the nurse paged for any available doctor to come in.

"Do you need pain medicine?" The nurse asked as he adjusted the line in Benedikt's arm, the blond shook his head.

"No, I've gone this long without it. But if you will...my boyfriend...uhm...he's really sick...I was wondering if you could please have someone talk to me about him." Benedikt stammered the words out, not entirely sure of the culture or the acceptance of homosexual couples in Brazil, but to his relief the nurse seemed perfectly fine with it.

"Of course, which one was he? The one who was unresponsive, or the one with the mangled arms?" 

_Well so much for considerate._

"He was unresponsive...his name is Mats, Mats Hummels." The flaxen haired man confirmed with a nod of his head, which sent the nurse on his way. Moments later an older looking man pushed the curtain aside politely before taking a step into the _room_.

"Hello, Sir. My name is Dr. Silva. You are Benedikt Höwedes?" The small man asked with an extended hand, which Benedikt shook as firmly as he could.

"Yes, sir." He answered hoarsely as the exhaustion from his travels began to finally set in, the doctor nodded his head as he approached the table, slipping a pair of gloves on as he did so.

"I'm told that you have some broken ribs, I'd like to verify that. I'm going to push on the area lightly, and you tell me where it hurts, okay?" 

"Sure." Benedikt offered weakly as he allowed himself to sink back into the less than comfortable mattress, the doctor quickly lifted the paper gown, clearly having no shame in doing so though Benedikt felt the slightest bit awkward. Suddenly, two fingers danced over his skin, causing a searing pain to rip throughout his body; he yelped which signaled the doctor to stop.

"We need to send you for X-rays so I can access the best way to treat you. First, let me listen to your lungs." Benedikt didn't object when the cold steel stethoscope touched his skin, but he had to be reminded to breath normally under the object so the doctor could properly access him. "Your lungs sound good, so I have great news for you, Mr. Höwedes. As of now, it looks like a regimen of pain medicine and rest should do you in."

"Thank you so much Dr. Silva, I appreciate it." Benedikt stated with a tired smile at the good news. At some point the doctor slipped out of the room with a promise to be back soon, and at another the nurse from earlier re-entered with a melancholy expression. 

"How is he?" The blond forced out as he lurched forward, ignoring the sharp pain in his side and the IV that stuck into his skin. 

"Sir, please remain calm." The nurse said with a serious expression as he held his hands up and approached Benedikt, who simply scowled at his lack of an answer.

"I said, how is he?" He reiterated with a hiss in his words as he stared the older male in the eyes.

"He...he's been rushed in for emergency surgery. One of his heart valves was unable to withstand the infection, so he is having open heart surgery as we speak. The next task is battling the sepsis which caused his kidneys to weaken and bleed. They are confident they can save them if they act quickly enough, but his healing..."

"Is what? What are his chances?" Benedikt whispered hoarsely in sheer horror, the older mans sympathetic look did little to quell the storm he felt brewing inside of him.

"If he pulls through surgery, the doctors would like to put him into a medically induced coma to stabilize his breathing and his heart rate; not to mention that it will be easier for him to fight the infection if he is comatose. To be honest with you sir, I would say it is a 50/50 chance he will pull through on both occasions. It's all going to boil down to how hard he's willing to fight for his life, the doctors will do all they can do during that time. I'm sorry, but there's nothing more I can say." 

"Please give me a moment..." Benedikt whimpered as he fought back the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes, it was as if a tidal wave came over him when the Brazilian mad slipped behind the curtain and disappeared. The tears came in heavy waves of sobbing, mixed with painful yelps as his chest protested the the sudden jarring; he screamed in agony and in remorse until he was no longer alone in the room. People, people he couldn't focus on or put faces or names too held him down and he fought them, fought as hard as he could to free himself from their menacing clutches so he could run to Mats. But it was of no use, the others were too strong, he was too weak, and his lover was too far away, too far gone for him to be of any help. When a needle was pressed into his IV line and his eyes began to grow heavy he let out a final scream, a death throe of sorts, out of sheer regret and mourning. He had lost everything and he was too blame, if he lost Mats...then he knew he'd lose himself too. His eyelids fluttered shut then, his breathing quieted until it was that of a normal pattern, and he was wheeled away for scans and tests, none of which he would be awake to remember. 

\- - -

**Two weeks later.**

 

"Benedikt, are you hungry?" Manuel asked as he entered Mats' hospital room, a small smile on his lips as he faced the flaxen haired man who in no way returned it.

"Nein," he declined quickly in their native tongue, a scowl on his face at the thought of taking a single bite of food while Mats _was like that._ The latter laid still on the hospital bed, an assortment of tubes and wires hanging from his comatose body. He was hooked up to a wide variety of machines, a respirator, heart monitor, and complex looking machine that read his pulse, blood count, and blood sugar. He had pulled through the surgery, roughly, but in the end he had done it. Benedikt didn't know what to think when he was originally told that Mats had coded while in surgery, but miraculously he fought hard and the doctors were able to bring him back to life. His lips were swollen and black from the tube that hung from his mouth, the very tube that was pumping air into his lungs. His kidneys had proved functioning after two further surgeries, which left the raven haired man's body looking like something out of an organ harvesting movie. Though Benedikt would have to remind him when he woke up that they were in fact battle scars, and nothing to be ashamed of. 

"You need to eat, Benni. I'm not taking no for an answer this time, do you think Mats wants to wake up to a pile of skin and bones? I personally think that he'd kick your ass for being such an idiot." Manuel said with the slightest hint of annoyance as he all but tugged the younger man out of his seat. Benedikt finally decided that he had had enough of his best friends _bitching_ and decided to follow him, though leaving Mats' side was always a painful experience when the thought of the younger being dead when he returned always surfaced in his mind. But he pushed the thought away as he stood at the exit door of Mats' room, before stepping out he ran back over to the raven haired man and planted a gentle kiss on his forehead. 

"Be back soon, baby. I love you." He whispered as he brushed the dark tangled locks off of his forehead, Manuel shouted his name which cased him to break the contact and resume what he had been doing beforehand. Manuel and Benedikt walked through the pristine white hallways of the hospital, neither saying a word until they reached the elevator that would take them down to the cafe.

"Robert's going to join us, finally." Manuel stated with a hint of a smile as he pushed the button with the number one on it, Benedikt snorted.

"Really? How's Wojciech doing? His surgery was this morning, wasn't it?" The younger male asked as he leaned against the cool steel of the elevator, something he found comfort in while being confined in such a small space. To say things in the Amazon took a toll on the group was an understatement, each of them handled it different ways; but almost everyone currently lived in a constant state of anxiety and unease. PTSD, the doctors they each saw labeled it, though Benedikt had never been one for labels. 

 

"Eh, he's...all right. His right arm was fixed up rather nicely, but the left..." Manuel trailed off, his voice laced thick with sadness and sympathy, Benedikt shared it.

"The nerves haven't healed, have they?" 

"No, and apparently they don't expect them too. He's permanently lost all feeling in his left arm...well from his elbow down, anyway. He can move it, but it's not calculated at all. Robert said they asked him last week to try and pick up something's but he wasn't able to grasp onto them, or clench his fist. Robert wouldn't let anyone go and see him...because Woj asked him too, I guess. I can only imagine what's going through the poor kids head. His career, his life, everything is going to be different from here on out." Manuel finished as they stepped out of the elevator and sauntered towards the neon Cafe sign. 

"He's got Robert, though. He'll be just fine, I know it's no compensation for basically losing one of your limbs, but Lewy will surely help him work through it all." Benedikt said with a sad smile as Manuel held the door open for him, he promptly thanked his friend before meeting up at a long table with everyone they would be eating with. 

"Well well well, look who's joining us." Kuba teased as he took a break from stuffing his face with his BLT, Benedikt rolled his eyes and pulled out a chair next Łukasz, who had been ordered to crutches; Kuba was forced into a wheelchair for the time being. 

"Yeah, yeah. Save your breath." Benedikt retorted with a tired laugh, one the group shared a smile over.

"Do you want some of my food? I'm not that hungry." Łukasz said with a kind tone as he pushed his plate in front of Benedikt who took it graciously

"Thank you, I'm not that hungry either. Manu threatened me, though." The flaxen haired man announced as he grabbed the untouched half of the sandwich before bringing it up to his lips, Manuel, who was directly across the table from him, shook his head. The group fell into a silence then, each of them still battling whatever demons their time in the jungle and on the river brought them, one's no one felt inclined to discuss. Lukas Podolski and Mario sported casts, Marco, like Łukasz was condemned to crutches, while Thomas, who also hurt his legs in their journey; only needed an air cast for a few hairline fractures. Bastian, and Manu had some cuts stitched up but nothing more, Benedikt's own wounds were healing nicely, and the pain medicine was seeing to that. Robert had to be admitted for a few nights to tend to his muscle deep gash on the back of his leg, but he too was now up and about. As if on cue, the dark haired police officer strode into the room, taking the lone chair available beside Benedikt, who smiled warily at him. 

"Hi," he said dryly when he caught the flaxen haired man's gaze, the latter repeated the greeting. 

"Robert I'm really so-"

"Please don't Marco, I know you mean well but I'm so tired of hearing those words. It's not me you should be worried about, Woj and Mats could use all of the apologetic and or sympathetic words you all have to offer." The blue eyed man interrupted as he placed his head into his hands and took a shaky breath, Benedikt rubbed his back reassuringly. The words _Well I AM sorry because I know what it's like to see the one you love suffer so much,_ hung on his lips but he remained silent. He feared if he said the words aloud that he'd regret them instantly. 

"Okay, well do you want some food?" Marco tried again with an apologetic tone slipped into his usual upbeat voice, though the upbeat part had slowly faded away and been replaced by a seriousness too telling for his age. 

"Thank you, but I'll get it myself. Benni, would you mind going with me?" The latter lifted his head up with a slight frown but nodded his head nonetheless. The pair politely excused themselves as the chatter began to grow amongst the group once again, as they approached the Cafe line Robert let out a labored breath. 

"Are you all right?" Benedikt asked with concern as he placed a hand on the policeman’s shoulder, the blue eyed man shook his head slowly.

"God, no. But I'm sure you know what it's like...I'm sure Mats will be fine Benni, he's a strong man. Too stubborn to die too, if you ask me. Besides he'd be an idiot to leave someone as loving as you behind." Robert stated reassuringly as the line grew shorter, eventually the duo were in the front where the police officer politely ordered a bowl of soup and a water. 

"I know he will make it...I just cant wait to get him home." Benedikt added as his hands traveled up to the collar of his t-shirt, the cloth covering the chain he had purchased.

"You're wearing his ring around your neck, aren't you?" Robert asked as he received his tray of food, all of which looked amazing and smelled it too, but in the end all it did was add to the nausea the pair felt. 

"Yeah, how did you guess?" The blond asked as they slowly made their way back to the table, each of them trying to prolong their conversation in favor of baring with the concerned glances and worried statements their friends would surely share.

"Because I know you, Benedikt Höwedes, that's how." The Pole said with a light giggle which brought a warm feeling into the German man's chest, _I don't want anyone to be sad anymore...I just want everyone to be okay, and for everyone to be happy again._ After taking their seats at the table once again, Benedikt's thoughts went off on their own; leaving him completely, and dare he say blissfully, unaware of what the others were discussing. He came up with every possible situation he could think of, Mats waking up today, Mats waking up tomorrow, two weeks from now, and he even allowed himself to think of what he would do if he didn't. 

"I'm exhausted, I'm going back to Mats' room." Benedikt stated when he pulled himself out of his revere, the strong urge to check on the raven haired man outweighed whatever desire he had to stay and hangout with his _family_. 

"Okay."

"See ya later, Benni." 

"Let us know if you need anything." 

"I'll come check on you later."

"Text me in a bit."

All of the words and departing statements blended into one complicated mess the flaxen haired man didn't even try to understand. Instead he simply nodded his head and waved his hand before abandoning the group, something he still had anxiety over doing, before heading back down the hallway towards the elevator. Brazil had treated them well, really well in fact. They had managed to contact their insurance companies which were funding those of the group who still required hospitalization, while the consulate workers were kind enough to relay their misfortunes to the German and Polish Government, who agreed to put them up in hotels until they could return safely, and _together._ He was grateful, though he was also one hundred percent positive he would be jobless, broke, and constantly anxious for the next few months. Once in the safety of the elevator, he let out the shaky breath he had been holding since leaving his friend's sides. His feet, that ached with a pain he had grown accustomed too since returning safely to civilization, screamed in protest when he shifted his weight. When the doors opened, he dragged himself as quickly as he could to the door outside of Mats' room, the clipboard that usually sat outside the door was gone. _The doctor must be in there._ He reasoned as he pushed the light, pine colored wood door open. The blue curtain that wrapped all around the rooms entrance was drawn and from behind it he could hear the doctor and several other people speaking.

"Check his eyes."

"Vitals are good?"

"Yes, he's stable. His eyes are responsive, no visible damage to his sight."

"Keep him still, I'm going to adjust the breathing tube."

"Yes, doctor." 

"I know this is hard, please stay still." 

Benedikt's eyes widened at the last part, _please, stay still_? A muffled groan cut him from his train of thought, followed by another order, this time it was "remain calm, I'm trying to help you." Not being able to bare the anxiousness of waiting and listening anymore, the flaxen haired man grabbed hold of the light blue curtain and pulled it back as far as it would go. The doctors looked back at him curiously, the nurses that crowded in the room smiled and nodded their heads in acknowledgment; but Benedikt was unable to see anyone but the man on the bed. The man who was staring back at him, confusion and terror were written in Mats' dark brown eyes, but they softened when they caught hold of Benedikt's. The blond's heart raced, his eyes welled up with what he would claim was three weeks worth of worry, he forced one word off of his lips; though it winded up sounding more like a question than anything.

"Mats?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me something? XO.


	8. Bauklötze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bauklötze (Building Blocks) - a basic unit from which something is built up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR! HERE'S MY PRESENT TO YOU!
> 
> 5,300 words for this one, so were back to normal length wise. :P This is part one of the end, meaning the next chapter will be the last. Thank you all so much for the amazing out pouring of support and praise. You're all so lovely, and thank you, thank you, thank you, for being so awesome! :D <3
> 
> I'll edit this as I proof read, I just wanted to get this up and posted now. :P
> 
> Enjoy!

The first few days went by in a whirlwind for Mats, the doctors insisted he keep the breathing tube deeply implanted into his lungs, which brought about extreme discomfort and the inability to speak. This left him completely alone with his thoughts and the fleeting images of his friends and lover crowded around his bed side, which only added to the anxiety he felt. He was able to take in a few words in his deeply medicated state. _Love, coma, recovery, failure, sorry,_ they all blurred together but he had been conscious enough to decipher those bits and pieces. A hand, likely Benedikt's never let his go cold or without company, but it brought about little comfort. 

_Do I blame you for what happened to me? I know you never meant to hurt me, Benni, I know you didn't mean for any of this to happen. But it did. And now, how am I supposed to f-NO. Benedikt slaved to get me back here, he fought against the wrath of the world to make sure I lived to see another day. It's his fault I almost died, and actually died, in the first place; but he also was the one who made sure I lived. If the good out weighs the bad does that make it all even out? Benedikt, this is your fault...but I don't think I could ever blame you, I could never hate you for what you've done for me._ Mats let his head roll to the side, the tube in his throat pulling awkward on his throat as he did so; he didn't care in the slightest. The small twinge of pain let him know he was alive to feel it, but today that small comfort would be gone. The doctor was on his way up to the room to take the tube out of his throat seeing as he started breathing on his own. The respirator was set on twenty breaths per minute, and when he started doing thirty, ten unassisted, the doctor called for them to remove the breathing apparatus and allow him to try on his own. Mats watched as the Brazilian doctor, Dr. Silva, he believed was his name, entered the room with a happy smile on his face.

"Are - to - tube?" The raven haired man shot him a puzzled look which the doctor only smiled at. "Normal-not-hearing-everything."

 _Tube, he wants to take the tube out...'Normal not to be hearing everything?' is that what he meant?_ Either way, Mats nodded his head gently as to not disturb the offending tube in his lungs, but the doctor took this as a sign to begin the procedure. The warm pressure on Mats' hand was gone when a flutter of words was said, the raven haired man instantly missed the warmth. The doctor said something else, but the black haired man couldn't even begin to understand it, he swore the morphine was blocking his hearing. He felt someone, a nurse he presumed, help hold him down while the doctor grabbed onto the clear tube and gently began to pull it. Mats choked, not entirely sure as to why he couldn't be put back to sleep while it happened; but before he could even finish his train of thought the length of the tube was pulled clean out of his mouth. He coughed in a violent fit as it sprung past his swollen and bruised lips, but eventually he caught his breath.

"Better?" Now that, he heard and was more than happy to confirm, his throat was raw and dry and he swore if he didn't have something to drink soon that it would crumble and break.

"W-at-er?" He croaked out with a frown at the sound of his own voice, a nurse leaned over and placed a wet white rag over his lips, when removed he saw traces of blood; which didn't surprise him.

"Ice," the doctor corrected earnestly as he waved one of the nurses off to fetch said object, "can you hear me better now?" 

"Mhm," Mats hummed groggily as he his ears began to pop, without the constant noise of air being pumped into his chest, hearing had become much easier and felt natural again; no longer strained. 

"Good, now listen Mr. Hummels," Dr. Silva paused when his nurses aide returned with the small frozen pellets, Mats heartily accepted them and popped several into his mouth. Thankful for how they felt against his blackened cracked lips, and his dry raw throat. "Are you listening?" 

"Yeah..." The younger man confirmed with glee as he continued to pop the ice into his mouth, only to be reminded that he needed to _slow down_ , not like he would. 

"Okay, well just because you're awake doesn't mean you are completely out of the woods. We need to keep you for at least a few more days to make sure your kidneys are fully functioning, it is good news that you seem to have no trouble breathing, though. You're a very strong, and a very lucky man, Mr. Hummels. This whole hospital knows of your plight and has been rooting for you since you walked into that door." Mats felt a smile grown on his lips at the words Dr. Silva had said, _I really defied the odds, didn't I?_

"Thank you, doctor. You've saved my life, I can never thank you enough, actually." Dr. Silva shook his head, and held out a finger.

"Actually, Dr. Santos is the one who preformed the heart surgery, I simply worked on your kidneys. You probably owe him more thanks than I, I had the easy part." The Brazilian laughed which caused a small chuckle to admit from the hospitalized man's throat.

"Well, I will have to thank him as well. Can you please tell me where Benedikt is? I'm sure he's annoyed you all to the point of no return, but I think I owe him a 'thank you' as well." Mats whispered with a wry smirk, his own voice was still very rough and pained him to no end to use; but he had a lot to say for someone who had been asleep for almost a month.

"Sure, we will bring him back once we check your vitals." Dr. Silva said with a promising tone as he moved forward and brandished a flashlight that he asked Mats to follow with his eyes. They ran him through a simple barrage of tests and tasks before deeming him well enough to have the extra company. Moments after the tests were complete a small knock sounded at the door, which alerted Mats to Benedikt, who looked absolutely exhausted, thrilled, and worried, all at the same time. 

"Hey Mats," the blond said with an awkward wave of his hand, and unsure look on his face as if he was worried as to what his boyfriend would have to say. _And boy, do I have a lot to say._

"Benedikt," the black haired man greeted calmly with a wave of his hand, in a _come here you idiot_ kind of way. The older man stumbled into the room and closer to his boyfriend's bed, Mats looked up at him admirably.

"You're my hero, Benni." The younger male whispered as a hot tear slipped down his cheek, hitting his chin before bouncing onto where his broken collarbone laid. "You may have been an idiot, and the fact we got stuck in that mess was kind of your fault; but you can't predict the weather. You didn't purposely do it, you didn't know that was going to happen...but you saved me. Benni, you...I love you...I'm sorry I almost died on you, and I'm sorry I did." Mats wailed as he reached up for the other man, who swiftly leaned down and wrapped his arms, carefully, around the wounded man. 

"Mats, it's okay...I love you too. I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry..." Benedikt cried into the darker man's hair with remorse, an emotion Mats couldn't even begin to comprehend to feel. 

"It's okay, baby. I'm here, I'm alive...you don't have to be sad anymore." The younger man comforted as he ran his hand, the one that wasn't connecting to the cables and wires, up and down his lover's arm. "You're going to be okay, and I'm okay too. You don't have to worry anymore, the doctor says I'm doing really well..says I'm a fighter; but I think you and I both already knew that much. Please tell me the others are alive and well, I think I remember seeing some of them; but I don't feel comfortable trusting myself right now. It could have been a hallucination for all I know.." And like that, Benedikt began to tell Mats of the others, how everyone had handled the situation, and how they fared. The darker haired man felt horrible for Wojciech more so than the others, but he could relate to him more also. He sat and listened of the fight they had put up, of the adventure for survival they went through while he was out cold. He listened whole heartily as the flaxen haired man told him of how they had built the raft, of how they had escaped death's cruel and lingering clutches. _They handled it with grace, they took everything with a grain of salt...and look where it got them...got us._ Mats smiled when Benedikt was finished, and with a reassuring squeeze of the other man's hand, the younger said exactly what was on his mind.

"I'm so proud of you." 

\- - -  
 **1 week later.**

"Give me just a minute, I've got a huge surprise for you!" Benedikt said in delight as he pushed Mats' wheelchair, one he was ordered too while his body finished catching up with him coming out of such a deep slumber, into their living room. The infection was gone, leaving him only sore and battered; but well enough to return home to Germany and return to his and the blond's apartment. The others were set to come over sometime tomorrow, with their families and whatnot who wanted to hear the full story of what had happened and how the group had worked together to get out of the Amazon. Mats was thankfully, as was Benedikt, that their friends would be rejoining them soon; it felt weird not having them around anymore. It felt weird being back into reality, and when Mats' parents found out about their return, they had actually came over. He nodded his head to acknowledge his boyfriend before thinking about how oddly the visit from his folks had played out. His father was downright happy to see his son alive, not necessarily well, but alive nonetheless. His mother on the other hand had slapped Benedikt in the face with malice, something Mats got furious over...

_**"Don't lay a finger on him!" The raven haired man screamed as he waved his arms about erratically, his mother on the other hand gave Benedikt a cold look.** _

_**"You nearly got my baby killed! What were you thinking? Dragging him off into the middle of the jungle without so much as a town in sight, you nearly took him away from us!" Benedikt had his head hung low, his left hand touching the cheek his boyfriend's mother had struck; Mats and his father watched on in silence. "However..." She began as he took another step forward, closing the distance between Benedikt and herself. She wrapped her arms around the blond, who looked up in pure shock and disbelief. "You also saved my baby boy...and I can never thank you enough for that. I'm sorry Mr. Höwedes, and while I may never understand what you and my son have together, I have to admit that you are in fact not a bad person. If you are willing to throw caution to the wind and do everything you can to keep my Matsi safe...then you are someone I don't mind having as part of the family. Will you please forgive me?" Benedikt looked at Mats in sheer confusion, but the raven haired man didn't return it. Instead, he smiled and nodded his head with a look that meant _hey, I don't understand it either, but if she's willing to accept you then just freaking accept her apology!_** _

_**"Of course, Mrs. Hummels...thank you for your kind words. Mats means the world to me and I will always do whatever I can to make sure he is happy, and healthy. The last one has been a hard fight, but he's doing so much better now. You have to believe me when I say that I really do love your son, and if you are willing to at least try and understand what we share...then yes, I will be more than happy to forgive you. I think you're a good woman, and I know you care about your son more than anything...so do I. I want nothing but the best for Mats and I think we're alike in that sentiment, don't you?" Benedikt said as he hugged his boyfriend's mom back, a relieved grin on his face as he shot Mats a thumbs up.** _

_**"Yes, I think we do. You do well to make my boy happy, and I will do whatever I can to come to terms with your relationship with him. You already care, you love him, and you protect and provide for him...that's a lot more than others would be doing. For that I am eternally grateful. I suppose it was just the generation I was raised in, we never heard of people being gay, it was simply something we didn't discuss or believe in. But perhaps that was wrong of us. I want you to be a part of our lives, Benedikt. I'm sorry I didn't come to realize this sooner. Please, accept my apology." Mats' mother wiped a tear from her eye as she broke contact with the freckled man, who nodded his head and wiped away his own tears.** _

_**"I forgive you," he said with a sincere smile, one that had Mats feeling more admiration and love for his boyfriend, if that was even possible. "And please, just call me Benedikt, or Benni." The flaxen haired man added with a cheeky smile which set aside the remainder of unease that clouded around the quartet. Mats' dad left his side moments later, only to reiterate what his wife had said moments earlier; Benedikt was more than pleased to exchange a firm handshake with the older man, but the latter eventually insisted on a hug.** _

_**"Thank you..." Mats had said to his parents when Benedikt had waltzed off into the kitchen to attempt to cook them dinner, his mother and father insisted it was no big deal and profusely apologized for their wrong doings and bad attitude towards their sons significant other. The food was actually really good, and Mats made a mental note to ask Benni to cook more often for them. There was no more awkward eye contact, or loathing, hateful words; instead the group discussed the restaurant, and the younger man's parents invited them over for a very late Christmas celebration when they felt up to it. Mats had never been so moved in his entire life.** _

"Babe, close your eyes, okay?" Benedikt called as he strode back into their living room; the white walls were illuminated by the sun that lit even the darkest corners of the room in a glowing light. 

"Okay," Mats answered with the faintest hint of a smile as he sealed his eyes shut and allowed Benedikt to push him to what he guessed was the foot of the stairs. 

"I have to carry you, I guess it's a good thing I've gotten so good at that." Benedikt said with a laugh as he carefully scooped the man, who had become significantly smaller, into his arms. Mats chuckled and used his arm, the one not in a sling, to rake his fingers through the others hair.

"You've gotten good at it, I might miss being carried around so much." He retorted as he relaxed into the others hold, the older man let out a snort.

"I won't, my back is going to be killing me." The pair giggled at this as they finally reached the top of the stairs, Mats' hand still raking through the dark blond locks.

"You're hairs getting thin, Benni. Stop stressing so much; you're only twenty two." He teased as he stuck his tongue out past his lips, ones that still showed the slightest hints of the tube being pressed to them. Mats thought they were hideous now, they bled more often than not, and were still the faintest shades of blue and black; but Benedikt had dismissed his train of thoughts and reassured him that _"they will go back to normal. Just like you will, you just need to rest and heal first."_

"Rude much? You act like I don't know that." Benedikt answered with a hint of sadness which prompted Mats to try and cover his tracks.

"No, baby...I was just teasing. You look great, I'm just an asshole and kid around too much. Don't take what I say seriously." He corrected but the air still hung the slightest bit heavy around them as he felt his boyfriend try to open a door. "I love you, Benedikt. Your hair is beautiful, your freckles are stunning, your butt is adorable, your laugh and smile are incredible, and you are a god amongst men." Mats said with a chuckle as the door finally opened up, Benedikt's body rattled a little with laughter as he sat the raven haired man down on a soft chair. They were in their _sanctuary_ eyes closed or not, Mat would recognize the feeling of the plush recliner anywhere.

"That's more like it, now open your eyes and tell me how awesome I am." The younger man did as instructed and allowed himself to steal a peak around the room, he gasped when his eyes fell onto a huge, and he meant huge, glass cage. The bottom was decked out with rocks, moss and small fish he remembered being native to the place they had just escaped from swam freely, and where the four foot water ended, a large barrage of rocks led up to what looked like an artificial hyperdominant tree. There were flowers, all of which appeared to be real, as did the moss that sat on top of the smooth pre-Cambrian bedrock. In the middle of the class cage sat a large red and green Iguana with piercing, yet kind looking eyes; the creature wasn't too big, maybe only two feet or so; but it looked to be very young.

"That...wow...Benni, can we keep him?" Mats asked excitedly as the blonde leaned down into his line of sight, the latter smiled and nodded his head.

"Duh, he's all yours." Benedikt answered with a smile as he scooted the recliner closer to the monstrous cage with labored breaths. 

"And our land lord is okay with this?" Mats spat out as he placed his hand on the warm glass, the light bulbs in the top corner keeping the tank at a constant temperature; the lizard behind the glass eyed him contently. 

"Let me tell you how amazing our land lord is, after finding out what happened to us...she's decided," Benedikt paused as he let the suspense of his words sink in, Mats whined in anticipation. "She gave us the apartment, Mats. We own this now." The raven haired man felt tears cloud his eyes as he looked over to his lover for confirmation of his words.

"She did...but how? Doesn't she need the money?" 

"Nonsense, she owns this whole complex; she said losing a thousand euros a month was nothing for her, and sense we have been such 'nice boys and good tenants' that we deserved a break and deserved to not have to worry about paying our rent. She is the sweetest woman I've ever met." Benedikt said happily as he patted his boyfriend on the back, a look of utter content on his face.

"And how is this thing not crashing through the floor boards?" Mats asked with a perplexed look as he turned his attention back to their new pet, or should he say pets. _Fish count, right?_ He thought to himself as he eyed the exotic and beautiful sea dwelling creatures as they swam around blissfully.

"The apartment building isn't old, Mats. They built it on steel frames, it would be a bit sacrilegious if they didn't. We do live in the Ruhr district after all...so yeah, it's nothing the steel can't handle." Benedikt answered as he raked his fingers through his boyfriend's thick hair, almost like how Mats had done it to him moments ago.

"And how did you get this cutey?" The younger man prompted with a raised eyebrow as the Iguana took a tenacious step forward before leaning down and drinking heartily from the beautiful water. Mats hadn’t noticed it moments ago, but a small waterfall trickled down the rocks and into the _pond_ below, a light fog hung over the top of the cage that could be associated with the small machine hidden behind said rocks, and in all honesty, the dark haired man was beyond impressed. 

"Well long story short, when we were in the hospital in Brazil, a member of the government came and visited us and asked what he could do to help us in that time. So...I requested he speak with the German government, get you and I permit to have one of these babies, and presto. That's why I haven't let you in here yet, they finished building this for us when we were in Brazil but I didn't get this little guy shipped over until we got home. He came in this morning when you were still asleep, and to answer your other question, that I'm sure you'd ask; yes I know how to take care of him." Benedikt finished his explanation with a smile as he pointed at the fish in the bottom of the tank, "these little guys are cichlids. They're species is native to the amazon but they were born into captivity obvious. And yes, so was the Iguana. But back to the fish, anyway..." Mats listened in amazement as Benedikt pointed out certain subspecies of the cichlids, going into great detail to express why they were the colors they were; and what their purpose in the ecosystem was. Mats' personal favorite was what Benedikt called a _Symphysodon Cichlid_ , it's bright and ornate colors varied from reds, teals, and greens, but they almost look iridescent which was something the raven haired man found to be very appealing.

"Wow, Benni I am officially impressed. I can't wait til everyone gets in tomorrow so we can show them this...it's incredible. And our home...some good, no wait, a lot of good actually came from our little disaster. Remind me to send Mrs. Schmidt a thank you card, a dozen roses, and an I owe you note." Mats said as he continued to wipe the small onslaught of tears from his eyes, Benedikt placed a gentle kiss on the side of his head before placing another on his cheek.

"I hope this makes you happy. I'm so ecstatic about what Mrs. Schmidt did for us...to think we never have to scrape by again makes it worth it...like you said. Though I must say that I would never, ever do it again; not in a million years. My ass is staying in sight of a city from here on out." The pair shared a chuckle over the blond's confession, and Mats actually found himself agreeing with the sentiment. "Tomorrow is going to be absolutely perfect, Matsi. I'm excited, too. Now, do you want to meet our new pet?"

"I can hold him?" Mats asked in awe as he returned his gaze to the red and green lizard that sat on the rocks, a content look on the creatures face as the cage fogged up once again.

"Of course, he's actually quite sweet. His previous owner said he's around one year old, and she handled him everyday with no problem." Benedikt replied as he stepped to the side of the inclosure and undid a nearly invisible clasp on the slide, moments later he was reaching for the lizard that more than happily was lifted out of his habitat. The flaxen haired man grinned when the Iguana curled it's tail around his arm, and he reluctantly pried it off of him so he could hand it over to Mats, who sat with a look of pure excitement on his face. The Iguana scurried into the raven haired man's arms before making himself comfortable in his lap, his tail wrapped around his leg while his head rested on Mats' stomach.

"I'm already in love with this little guy," He said as he gently stroked the smooth scales on the lizard's multicolored neck, the reptile closed his eyes in sheer bliss at the affection.

"Good, cause I am too. Will you do the honor of naming him?" Benedikt asked as he sat down on the arm of the recliner, one arm carefully sliding around Mats as to not jar his wounded arm. The latter smiled at him as the lizard seemingly fell asleep in his hold.

"God, it's like he's our son now." He stated with a sly grin which his boyfriend returned with a dry chuckle, "what do you want to name him, Benni?"

"That's all on you, love." The older man announced as he traced the still defined muscles on the now smaller man's arms. 

"Oh, so I'm the mom in this situation? We both know that would never be the case." Mats retorted with a smirk as he gently stroked the Iguana's sleeping form, Benedikt scoffed at his remark but didn't interrupt the dark haired man's train of thought. He pondered what would be fitting for the small creature on his lap, but everything came back to him sounding cheesy and unoriginal; something Mats detested entirely. "Evaki." He whispered finally after recalling a story he had learned in his mythology class in high school, he was honestly shocked he remembered anything about school considering how much he slept during it. 

"What?" Benedikt asked as he shot the black haired man a confused look, Mats waved it off.

"Evaki, I know he's a well _he_ , but Evaki is a goddess on some island in South America that is said to bring about night and day. It was said that she would steal sleeps from lizard's eyes, hence why they bulge out so much, and she would share that with other living beings." Mats answered as he glanced down at the sleeping animal in his arms, _Benni can think I'm weird for wanting to name you that, but I think it suits you well._ He thought to himself as he ran his fingers along the feet of the lizard, fingertips lingering on his tiny claws.

"That's beautiful, Mats. I'd ask how you know that but I think you said mythology was one of your classes senior year...guess that makes sense. Our beautiful, scaly, bright colored son, Evaki." Benedikt said with a hint of a laugh that Mats was quick to return, the animal, Evaki as he had just been named, awoke and began climbing on the recliner with reckless abandon.

"He's perfect, like you." Mats said with a brilliant show of teeth as he used his uninjured hand to bring Benedikt's face closer to his, their foreheads touching while Evaki made himself comfortable on the back of the recliner they were all seated on.

"More like you, don't be naive." Benedikt smiled as he brushed some of the dark hair away that had fallen on his lover's forehead. The look in the blond's eyes was fierce, and there was the spark Mats had been waiting to see return in the older man's eyes. It hadn't died at all, but after their stressful month they had barely had time, or the chance, to do anything _"couple-ly."_. The smaller man missed the way Benedikt's fingers would explore his skin, he missed the passion they both felt for one another; he missed every normal aspect of their relationship so much that it physically pained him. Most of all, he missed waking up to his lover's smiling face, his body bare but wrapped up in Mats' own with nothing but the blanket providing any cover. He missed the longing glances they'd give each other from across a crowded room, and he missed the way they were before hand. Even though it wasn't the most important part of their relationship, he also missed something else...

"Ughhhhhh, Benedikt...I'm officially sexually frustrated. When did the doctor say I'd be good to go again?" Mats chuckled as he tightened his hold on the blond, the latter shook his head slightly.

"When you finish your medicine and have another week of rest. So...two more weeks, and were home free. If you don't make love to me the very next day after that time than I will be liable to jump off of our balcony." Benedikt joked as he reached back and kept Evaki from falling off of the recliner. 

"Oh don't worry I will. Can't have you jumping off of the balcony!" Mats teased when Benedikt lightly pressed his lips to the darker skinned man's nose, the younger sighed out of of bliss. "I just miss you, Benni. I feel like we've been so stressed on edge since we came home, and I can only imagine what you must be feeling or going through. I just want you to be happy, and smiling all of the time, and scolding me for being an asshole; and I just want us to go back to how we were before all of this. Do you think that will ever happen?" Benedikt seemed a bit taken a back by the sudden outbursts, but he didn't comment on it, instead he provided the most honest answer he could.

"Just wait until tomorrow, okay?" 

And like that he got up with the promise to be back in a few minutes, leaving Mats and Evaki alone in the room. Mats lifted his left arm backwards and picked up his new found pet, who didn't look bothered in the slightest. _Just wait for tomorrow?_ The raven haired man sighed as he held the Iguana out so they were looking each other in the eyes, "What does he mean, Evaki?" The creature obviously gave no answer but instead scampered his way out of the man's hold before curling back up onto his lap for warmth. Benedikt eventually came back and helped Mats into his wheelchair before putting Evaki back into his own little home, the blond insisted on watching a movie that Mats had been keen on seeing before they left for Brazil; the latter didn't decline it. While the film rolled on in the background, Mats kept asking himself what Benedikt had meant when he said _wait for tomorrow_ but eventually sleep was calling his name. Tomorrow would come soon enough, and he could wait until then. He fell asleep with a whirlwind of thoughts in his head, his parents, Benedikt, their friends, Evaki...all of it meant a lot to him at this point. Which was something he didn't know if he could say beforehand. Sleep came like a tidal wave, and the moment Benedikt kissed his cheek and whispered "goodnight," he was out cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO? :O


	9. Auf uns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go from bad, to good, and Mats can't believe how lucky he really is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, guys! The finale! Thank you all so much for supporting me through this because it's something that I usually wouldn't feel comfortable doing, I'm not a huge AU person, but writer's block had proved to big of a foe. Now, I'm excited to announce that I am no longer having this problem. ;p
> 
> SOOOO, my next fic will not be an AU, but I would like to hear YOUR opinions on who you'd like to see. Any pairing, any scenario, so long as it is not AU. (These are actually just as challenging, if not more than non-AU's.) O.o
> 
> Anyways, thank you all again! You're all so lovely, and I love you. Every single one of you.
> 
> Ps. This is NOT beta read, if you find an error please ignore it, I will try to fix them all sometime tomorrow. :)

"Hey, come on in." Benedikt greeted with a smile as his last guest, Wojciech, arrived...solo. The young chef looked horrid with dark bags under his eyes, and a glint of redness that shone in the them that really showed how he was feeling. _How he was dealing with what happened to him._ Benedikt fought back guilt when the younger man mumbled a quick "thanks," as he stumbled past him and into the well lit area of the apartment's foyer. It was eerily quiet in the blond's home. A few mummers were exchanged but not much else, and shockingly enough, no one's family turned up like Benedikt thought they would. Lukas and Bastian seemed to be the only pair not gravely affected by their time in the Amazon. Everyone else had turned ever so slightly _cold_. For example, Łukasz and Kuba weren't their usual selves or the people they had been in the hospital prior to returning to Dortmund. The former had always been a bit quiet and reserved but now he didn't even say a word, he would occasionally nod his head or whisper to the policemen beside him before returning to a deathly still state. Kuba had a weird twinge in his eyes, whenever they met Benedikt's they seemed harsh and volatile, only softening when Łukasz spoke to him. Thomas seemed to still be recovering from shock because he would only perk up whenever Manu, who had become super defensive, would speak. Mario and Marco seemed completely out of it, the two were wrapped up on the floor, a blanket thrown on top of them while they sat super close to one another. Neither speaking to a single soul, except for Mats who had politely started a conversational with the two blonds. Robert was solemn, as ever, but there was a sadness that had fallen over him. Wojciech had surprisingly not spoken to him since the incident. The policemen had went home to Dortmund while Woj traveled to Warsaw to be with his family. The former hadn't heard from him since, only a _I made it home,_ text was sent and nothing more. Benedikt took a seat next to the dark haired Officer as a silent reassurance that everything would be all right, but that didn't prevent the latter's breath from hitching when the young _former_ chef walked into the room. 

"So are you just going to ignore me?" Robert stated flatly after several moments of uncomfortable silence, what little chatter sounded throughout the room halted abruptly. Mats swung his wheelchair around in observation, Evaki, who was curled up in his lap looked around the room curiously before simpering up torso. He helped the lizard climb onto his shoulders where he lay unmoving.

"Don't do this right now," Wojciech answered bitterly in a voice that was barely above a whisper, he kept his arms, that were in casts, wrapped around his stomach. 

"No, I will do this now because I may never get the chance to do it again. Why are you avoiding me? I haven't done anything to you, in fact, I vaguely recall busting my ass to get you back here _alive_." Robert seethed through gritted teeth, and when he stood up with a look of sheer anger on his face when Wojciech told him to "fuck off", Benedikt and Manuel quickly jumped up to contain the situation. Evaki made a hissing noise in Mats' ear when the commotion broke out, but a calm hand on the back of his head seemed to calm him down. The raven haired man watched in silent horror as a huge argument broke out amongst the group, namely when Robert cursed "It's Benedikt's fault, not mine! Why are you blaming me for something he did?"

At this point, everyone save for Thomas, Mario, Marco, Łukasz, and Mats had an opinion on what needed to be done, and more importantly what needed to be said; but the raven haired man couldn't take anymore of it. In the midst of the commotion he pushed his wheelchair into the kitchen before taking the Iguana off of his shoulders and holding on to the creature for dear life. Evaki licked his nose in return. 

"Make them stop..." Mats pleaded with no one in particular when the commotion got particularly loud, but the silent chant didn't halt the words that still found way to his ears.

_It's your fault!_

_Do you know what this has done to us?_

_He won't even fucking talk to anyone but me anymore, he quit his job at the University all because you couldn't plan this a little bit better._

_Don't blame Benedikt, you could have done some research too, you know? My best friend isn't some insensitive asshole who would purposely endanger himself and you all included._

_Robert yelling at me isn't going to resolve this any quicker! I haven't slept properly since **that** happened, I've been too fucked up to talk to you!_

_Guys, I'm sorry I didn't mean for this to happen to anyone..._

_Don't fucking touch me!_

_Stop yelling at each other for no god damn reason. This isn't solving anything!_

"EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Mats screamed furiously, which did little for his own headache and for the lizard that tried to desperately crawl his way out of the raven haired man's arms. It got quiet after that, something the wheelchair bound man took with grace before pushing himself back into the living room. Everyone stared at him in silent shock, even though he was in no means a man of few words, he had never raised his voice to anyone either. "I'm sick and fucking tired of hearing about what happened to us out there. Get the fuck over yourselves, it's over. It's done, it's dusted. There isn't a thing you can do to change the fact that it happened so why you're letting it consume you is beyond me. It's not like any of **you** died." He put emphasis on the second to last word, letting it sink in that he in fact had perished, only to be brought back by the marvel that was science. "You're all acting like a bunch of children, seriously, shame on you. Fuck, Mario, Thomas, and Marco; the three who usually act like kids are even being silent and not partaking in that shit you call an argument. I'm really disappointed in how you all are behaving. Now you have one of two options, either you all separate for a little while, and calm the fuck down before discussing this in a polite, respectful manner. Or all of you except the two little blondies, Thomas, and Łukasz can get the fuck out of **MY** apartment. Benedikt, that means you too." The latter stared at Mats with a mix of disbelief and sadness but nodded his head in silent agreement. "Woj, come with me, okay? I'm taking Evaki upstairs so he doesn't have to deal with this." 

"Mats, you shouldn't be walk-"

"Shut up, Benedikt." Mats hissed at his boyfriend as he pushed his wheelchair to the edge of the steps, Wojciech joined him at the bottom and offered to hold the Iguana, or try too; yet somehow he managed to contain the riled up lizard while the black haired man rose to his feet.

"No, you're trying to neglect your health just because you're pissed." Benedikt answered with a raised voice that halted Mats in his shaky attempt to climb the stairs. 

"What did I just tell you, Benedikt?" The raven asked as he turned to look back at the blond man who stood with his arms crossed, an unamused expression on his face.

"Don't start with me, you know I'm right. Can't you just be a decent person for once and listen to what I'm saying?" The flaxen haired man dared as he took a step forward, clearly becoming agitated at the other man's attempts to put himself in harms way.

"Say one more word and you can get the fuck out of my apartment, and not come back. How's that? Now keep your mouth shut _for once._ You've been a complete wreck since we came back and I'm not going to tolerate your mood swings and your controlling attitude anymore. If you don't like that then you can kiss my ass, or better yet...I'll find someone else to do it in your place." Mats said with a huff as he turned his attention back to climbing the staircase, Wojciech waited patiently for him at the top; a look of what could only be described as pride written on his face. _Probably because that comeback was top notch,_ Mats thought to himself when he finally reached the top, Benedikt didn't dare say another word. 

"That was harsh, but you've got a point." Wojciech finally said once the two were behind closed doors, the raven haired man quickly took the hyper Iguana from the other man and sat him inside the large inclosure before taking a seat in his usual recliner. 

"He needed to hear it. If he's going to be self loathing and spiteful for the rest of his life then I'm not going to be apart of it. I want to get on with my life and it's hard when he won't stop talking about it, or nagging me about my health. I'm a grown man, I can very well take care of myself and make my own decisions." Mats answered honestly as he waved with his good hand for the other to take a seat on the couch, the younger man obliged.

"That's how I feel about this whole thing too." Wojciech answered as he made himself comfortable, a yawn erupting from his throat as he did so. 

"Exactly. I don't know what to think anymore. I thought it was a smart decision for me to completely forgive him and try to move forward, but now I'm having doubts about my ability to do that. Especially if he's gonna be like this, I want my life to mean something, not be a constant guilt trip."

"I know what you mean, I really do. But I guess you brought me up here to talk about why I've been avoiding Lewy, right?" Woj asked with yet another yawn which Mats met with a genuine frown, _poor kid._

"Yeah, you have a lot on your plate right now so I figured talking it out could help you." The raven answered with earnest as he absentmindedly scratched at the bandage that hid his incisions.

"Well, my career is fucked obviously. So I guess it's just been hard to cope with and to be honest, I just didn't want Robert to have to put up with me anymore. I figured he's done enough, don't get me wrong...I love him dearly, but I just think he can find someone else better than me. I'm going to be a bit useless for the rest of my days. My doctor called me in for a check up and I've lost a decent amount of feeling in my right arm too; something the doctors in Brazil didn't pick up on. I'm going to need constant companionship if I'm ever to do anything outside of the house. I can't drive anymore, I can't cook, I can't even move them past a certain angle...I'm more of a burden now then I was before we left. I can't hold him back from living the life he wants to live...and if he still wants things to according to his life plan then I can't be a part of it. Being his lover's caretaker was something he never accounted for, and that's something he has no room for. So for his sake, and solely for his sake, I've avoided him. Hoped that maybe he'd realize I'm not what he cracks me up to be and that I'm really not worth all of that torture." Mats felt his heart break for the younger man. Seeing his friend speak in such a blatant, monotone state with little to no expression made him feel the slightest bit thankful that he hadn't lost himself out _there._ He didn't know what to say because part of him knew that despite how awful the man's words sounded, there was a truth to them. Robert was ambitious, active, a workaholic with an adventurous side, he was everything Wojciech could no longer be. And that fact alone stopped Mats from saying anything other than a few words of comfort.

"I'm sorry..." he spoke softly, the pounding in his ears weighed in heavy as his headache showed no signs of receding any time soon; his own breath sounded like thunder in his ears. Wojciech just nodded, a sad, twisted notion that looked every bit like defeat and acceptance. _Accepting something is admitting that it's real, that it's not something you can run away from. Accepting something means you understand it, understand you cannot change it, and understand that no matter what happens; you can no longer turn away from the truth._

"Do you think he loves me?" Wojciech whispered after sometime, his voice was bleak; not a hint of emotion leaked into it though his eyes said completely otherwise. Mats tapped his fingers on the plush chair's armrest while his lips formed a thin line, he was completely unsure of what Wojciech wanted to hear but he knew what he wanted to say.

"Yeah, I think he loves you more than life...but I think you really hurt him, Woj. Maybe you two should come up here and talk to one another...figure out what you guys want to do. I can't speak for Robert so I can't tell you how it will play out, but I think you're already prepared for the worst. But you can always hope for the best, too." Mats said as he slowly rose out of the recliner, a dull sting shook throughout his abdomen as he did so but he put on his brave face and didn't let it show. "I'll send him up?"

"Please." 

"Mhm," Mats hummed as he strode out of the room, tapping on Evaki's habitat as he did so. The house was no longer quiet, instead quiet discussion bounced off of the walls and filled the apartment with the sound of several voices. The black haired male cursed as he nearly lost his footing after the first step, he was hopeful that it was quiet enough not to alert the others, but he was wrong. Benedikt was at the foot of the stairs moments later, a worried expression on his face as he looked up at the raven haired man who waved rapidly at him. "Are you going to help me or just stand there?" He asked with a smile that Benedikt was quick to return. The older male climbed the steps with ease before scooping the black haired male up into his arms without so much as a blink.

"I'm sorry I got bitchy with you." Mats whispered as he raked his fingers through the blond's hair, remembering his comment about it yesterday brought about the smallest twinge of guilt.

"I'm sorry I've been acting differently, I guess I was just worried that if I treated you like I used to that you'd think I was being insensitive." Benedikt answered when they safely arrived to the bottom of the staircase, the blond gently put his boyfriend down into the wheelchair.

"Oh, Robert...Woj wants to have a talk with you." Mats said when Benedikt pushed them further into the living room, the dark haired policemen showed no signs of agitation as he politely excused himself before darting up the stairs. "So, have you all worked things out or should I be kicking people out right about now?"

"We worked it out, what's done is done. You were right about that, there really is no point in us tearing into one another. We can't change it, so we have to move forward." Kuba, who had been one of the more livid arguers a little while ago, said with a calm tone of voice and neutral expression. "We also need to stick together, though we're all healing just fine on our own, only we can really understand the remnants and nightmares that that place brings us. We don't need to turn our backs on each other when we really need each other the most."

"You got that right," Łukasz, who had been completely and eerily silent all evening, said with a look of sheer pride as he rubbed up and down the policeman’s back. 

"That and the fact that Łukasz threatened to leave me if I said another bad word about his family...our family." Kuba announced with a small smile which caused a short round of chuckles to break out amongst the group of men. 

"Well I'm glad we've gotten that settled, once Woj and Robert get back down here, I've got something important to say." Benedikt chimed as he left Mats' side, albeit reluctantly. "Manu, would you please join me in the kitchen?"

"Yeah, sure." The elder blond answered as he tossed Thomas' uninjured off of his lap before slipping into the hallway after Benedikt, Mats raised an eyebrow when the pair disappeared.

"Looks like they're leaving us Mats," Thomas joked with a cheeky yet bashful grin as he pointed into the direction the pair had headed into, "finally realized they were meant to be." 

"First of all, ew, and secondly, shut up, Thomas," Manu called from the kitchen. Mats snickered at the younger man's inability to keep his voice level down, but Thomas seemed more embarrassed than anything.

"I would probably just laugh my head off if that ever happened. They're so much like brothers that it's almost scary. Even my brother and I aren't that close." The raven haired man retorted with a chuckle as he wiped a stray tear from his eye. When the room fell back into conversation, and when Robert and Wojciech had still neglected to return; Mats fell into a deep line of thought. 

_Should I be thankful for what life's thrown at me, or was I right to be bitter and try to ignore it? After all, I haven't had the easiest of times lately...but still...was this...is this all I've ever wanted? Is this all I'll ever need?_ He sighed as he bit his lips, trying to contemplate the good, the bad, and the ugly twists that had caused ripples in his once 'normal' life. _I suppose I do have a lot to be thankful for...in the end I've given more than I took back...at least I think I have anyway. I gave up my decent relationship with my parents in exchange for a shot at happiness and love with Benedikt...and while he might not do it perfectly, it being loving me, he does do it after all. He does a lot more for me than a lot of people would, I'd say. In the end mom and dad winded up coming around to him...that's what I've always wanted, isn't it? Of course it is. Benedikt gave up so much too...he hasn't spoken to his parents in years...that says it all right there. He sunk his savings into that **vacation** , he sunk his **life** savings into this home...all for me. He might be whiny, he might get complacent, and he sure as hell might get over protective; but hell...so do I. I bitch at him all of the time, "stop being so uptight", "stop giving me that look", "stop worrying so much". When in all reality he's just being a good, caring boyfriend. I need to stop being so hard on him. He's done so much for me, after all. He met me when I was a jerk with no self esteem, one that just so happened to have the world's largest crush on the best friend of the man (Manu) I enjoyed harping on so much. But he was able to see something in me...obviously. Not many other people could, no one ever had honestly...he has been the first good thing to ever happen to me...so why do I feel so..._

"Ah, you two settled things obviously," Lukas Podolski's voice interrupted Mats' train of thought. With calculating eyes, the dark haired man looked up to see Wojciech and Robert standing at the foot of the steps. Both with disheveled hair, and clearly content looks on their faces.

"Did you really..." Mats began as he slapped a hand over his face, "did you at least clean up? Oh god, Evaki. My poor baby is going to be scarred for life."

"Oh my god, Mats. It's a lizard-

"It's an Iguana!" Mats corrected loudly as he threw his uninjured hand up in the air to add emphasis to his words. Robert shook his head.

"Lizard, Iguana whatever! But we didn't need to clean up-"

"EW. I don't want to hear that, shut up!" Mario whined loudly as he covered his ears, earning amused grins from the other members of the group; save for Mats who was still in awe of the fact that someone in his house had gotten laid. _And it wasn't me, that's just unfair._ The dark haired man found himself growing more envious that anything, and he swore that after his _dry spell_ ; he'd never go a day without having sex again. Benedikt would have to learn to deal with it, but something told him that the blond would do anything but object.

 

"Why does every one keep interrupting me?" Robert sulked as he pulled Woj by the hand, or cast in this case, towards the couch. The latter caught Mats' dark eyes and murmured a quick _thank you so much._

"So is everyone all right now?" Manuel, who Mats swore popped out of thin air, questioned with a smirk as he leaned next to the stair case, a place that had somehow became a popular spot on that evening.

"Yeah, we're all good." Bastian confirmed with one of his trademark grins and a thumbs up before throwing a wink in the taller blond's direction. Mats felt his confusion grow at this point, _"Wait for Woj and Robert to get back", the wink, why do I feel like something's going on that I don't know about?_

"Awesome," Benedikt responded as he waltzed into the room, a brilliant smile planted on his face as he leaned next to Manuel, who returned the expression without hesitation.

"Okay..." Mats said with a perplexed look as all eyes fell on the pair by the staircase, "does someone want to tell me what's going on?"

"Well, are you feeling strong enough to stand up or-"

"I can stand, Benni. Just don't ask me to run a marathon, please." The wheelchair bound man teased as he slowly pulled himself out of the chair, with a little help from Manuel who was always quick to help. "Thank you," he mumbled as he faced Benedikt, a wry expression on his face while the other man still sported one of euphoria.

"Okay...so tonight obviously didn't go as planned...I hadn't expected us all to fight and bicker. But that isn't the only thing that hasn't gone to plan. Mats, I know you're sick of hearing about Brazil, but there is a side to the story that you've never heard. I got you a gift, something I was going to give you while we were there, but I never got the chance. When you were in the hospital I clung to it in hopes that I could give it to you one day...and well...that day has come. Mats, I know you have this weird complex, it's like a mix of 'nothing can touch me because I am god' and then it goes to 'I'm a complete wreck and I could really use a hug' and I've realized with you that there is no in between." Mats chuckled at this, still having absolutely no idea where the older man was going with his words, but he had to admit that it was in fact a true statement. "But save for that, there's a side to you no one else knows but me. No one knows that you sometimes wake me up in the early hours of morning by bringing me breakfast in bed. No one knows that you have gotten into a grand total of four fights all because people couldn't keep their opinions to themselves, or in some cases, their hands. No one gets to see the you that brought me lunch to work everyday without fail, or the you that held my hands through the good times and the bad. You always had a way of amazing me, Mats Hummels. You never did the same thing twice, even though you had habits, and you still do; you always perfect things the next time around. You learn from the mistakes you make, and you grow. On a different note, I remember one day when you asked me why I wanted to be with 'someone like you'. It was Saturday morning, your parents were out of town and you had snuck me in to your home so I could spend the weekend with you. That was the first day I told you I loved you. Though I could have said it the day before that, or the week before, or hell, even the year before. Ever since you barged your way into my life, you've always been someone I thought of everyday, I just never knew that I'd be fortunate enough to say that now your the first and the last thought on my mind at the end of each day. I know I can be an asshole, I know I can be clingy, and needy, and all around just a terrible, horrible excuse of a boyfriend-"

"You're not terrible, Benni..." Mats reassured as he reached out a brushed a tear off of the paler man's skin, he felt his heart rate double as a small part of his mind told him _you know what he's going to do next._

"I'm glad you think that, baby. I know you think you're a bad person too, but I promise that you're not. Which brings me to my final point. Out of all the billions of people on this earth, you choose me. A man, no, boy at the time that was so caught up in keeping his nose in a book and his mind far away from his troubles; but you saw some good in him, in me. I am one hundred percent confident when I say that I am the happiest, luckiest man alive because I get to come home to the most wonderful, most accepting, most gorgeous man in the entire world...and I love you...I love you so much that sometimes it actually hurts me. That's why I gripe at you for doing stupid things, that's why I harp on you Mats...it's because I worry and because I want nothing short of the best for you. And while I say that, I know that I am not the best for you. I will never be entirely sure of how we winded up together, but I thank God and my lucky stars everyday that the love of my life loves me too. So in Brazil, I wanted to prove that to you...and since I didn't get to then, I'm going to do it now."

Mats yelped when Benedikt dropped to one knee, a black box he hadn't seen before planted firmly in his hand, a nervous yet hopeful smile danced across his lips. The raven haired man felt tears well in his eyes, he felt every worry, every doubt he had cast, every single thing that he had been so aware of moments ago faded away into oblivion until the only thing in front of him was Benedikt Höwedes. _But that's how it should be anyway. God, I love you, Benni._

"Mats Julian Hummels...will you marry me?" Benedikt choked out as his own tears spilled over his eyes and down his cheeks, ones tinted dark pink as the words hung thick in the air. Everyone, Benedikt included looked at Mats for an answer; one he was eager to provide.

"Yes, yes of course I'll marry you." Mats said through a cry that shook throughout him, one he couldn't even begin to contain. Benedikt smiled brightly up at him before looking at his left arm, a look of dismay crossed his face.

"The sling...can I put this on your right hand for now?" He said nervously as he plucked the ring from the velvet looking box, Mats giggled and nodded furiously; hand extended in his _fiances_ direction. Benedikt took the darker haired man's extended hand with his own as he shakily slid the ring onto Mat's ring finger, he felt a weight the size of the world roll off of his shoulders. Mats pulled him up them, the happiest smile the raven haired man had ever sported graced his lips as he carefully held his lover close. He vaguely heard the others cheering and hollering in the background, but they sounded so washed out in the moment; all he was focused on was his labored breath and the sound of Benedikt's words _"I love you so much."_ When they broke apart and Mats got a better look at the ring, he felt the smile on his lips grow bigger. _Dortmund and Schalke, eh?_ He thought to himself as he twisted it around his finger, where it felt more than natural. 

"Kind of thought that since we were able to set aside our preferences for rival teams that we could set aside whatever differences crossed our paths..." Benedikt filled in as he carefully slipped an arm around the dark haired man's waist, Mats leaned into the hold without so much as a second thought.

"I think that's a wonderful idea," Mats answered with a smile as the two sat down on the couch, one the others happily vacated for them. Manuel and Bastian came back into the room, each of them weighed down with wine glasses and the drink that would go in them. Once everyone filled their glasses, Benedikt raised his glass into the air.

"To us, and to whatever lies ahead." 

"To us!" Everyone yelled as the group clinked their glasses together. Mats curled up with Benedikt then, the smile he had worn previously never dropped from his face as the night grew into morning. No one fell asleep, no one had a bad word to say; and though it wasn't perfect...and though nothing ever would be; when Benedikt looked at him for what he could have sworn was the billionth time that night, he felt like everything was going to be okay. A silent reassurance that he'd never have to go through anything alone, and now he had proof of it in the form of a ring on his finger and a new title to his name.

_Fiance..._

Mats became enthralled in the discussion at that point, everyone throwing in their two cents on topic after topic; some leading into "heated" discussions that proved to grow longer and longer as they came around. But he didn't care to listen, he was just glad to have his family back, and he was glad to have found true peace of mind after what had happened to him, to them all. He watched his lover with adoring eyes, watched him smile, and laugh, and brag about how lucky he was when clearly the others already knew. The dark haired man had never been so happy, and as the hours ticked on he had to admit that the future didn't seem like such a bad place after all. 

_Benedikt...thank you...for everything._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the last time...leave me something? :O
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> Also, please leave me a suggestion for the next fic. I'd even be happy to dedicate it to one of you lovely people. ;D Until next time!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments/Kudos are not only appreciated, but rewarded with faster, longer chapters. :)
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> Feedback is always appreciated!
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> Until next time!


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